Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

How do I make sure a summer fling is just a fling? I have this thing with a guy I met at a patio bar in Uptown (where else?), and it’s great — we get down and dirty in all the usual summer places (my backseat, in the green grass behind the stadium, in Lake Calhoun), and we just meet up as it suits us.

But I’m worried he’s getting a little clingy. He’s referencing fall-only things for “us” to do (“I can’t wait ’til we can bone in a pile of fallen leaves”), giving me the feeling he doesn’t see this as just a summer fling. How do I break it to him, kindly enough that we continue this hot arrangement — but only under the hot summer sun?

—That Brown-Eyed Girl

Playin’ A New Game,

A more critical love doctor would admonish the meaningless fling as a hurtful indulgence, but meeting gentlemen at patio bars and having wild sex is what summer is all about — well, that and baseball. If your sunny boy can’t get behind that, then he’s obviously kind of a rube and needs to watch more movies.

Honestly, a little straight talk couldn’t hurt. Take him to that big snack place at Lake Calhoun and buy him some chicken fingers. Then watch his face fall as you tell him that you don’t want this summer fling to turn into an autumn affair. Tell him the truth — that you’re just not mature enough for a cold-weather relationship. Then tell him you still want to hang out because you love his bod and, uh, his personality, too.

After he gets over the shock of you being a noncommittal sex monster, he’ll ideally start to behave like a noncommittal sex monster too. A well-reasoned deadline can be a total aphrodisiac. If you tell him that come September, the coming has to stop, he’ll want to come all he can while he can. (He’ll also listen to a lot of Green Day and pray for Hermione’s time-turner thing to be a real thing. Um, sorry. Sha-la-la-la-la.)

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I picked up a girl at the bar last night. Normal, except I’m a straight-as-an-arrow girl. We just met and started talking about things we had in common and then shared a cab home (our separate homes). Thing is, since then, I can’t stop thinking about her. It was just so refreshing to pick up a girl who had a personality and conversation skills instead of being hit on by sleazy older men at ladies’ nights. How do I keep this going without giving off a gay vibe?

—Straight Shooter

Straight Dope,

That’s awesome. The doc loves friendship.

Are you sure she’s not arrow-straight too? Because she might be having the same exact worry that you are right now, which will be hilarious when you guys marry two brothers in the cutest double wedding in the history of double weddings. Just imagine that toast — “I thought you were a total lesbian! Turns out you’re just a friendly chick who is naturally playful … What a world! Shots, everybody.”

But, yeah, maybe she isn’t straight. Luckily, it’s incredibly easy to show somebody that you’re straight. Mention an ex-boyfriend. Talk about a male crush. Wax about the kind of dude you want to marry someday. Mention how much you love having sex with dudes and dudes alone.

She’ll get it soon if she doesn’t already. And she’ll probably say something like, “Yo, I thought you were queer!” And then you can say, “Save it for the wedding toast, toots!”

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a long time (this is some high-school lovin’). But she’s lived away from me for a little while, and I’m nervous about her moving here this week.

See, I’ve been spending time with two of my best friends nonstop, and she’s really nervous that they are turning me into an alcohol-soaked drug addict. I’m nervous about all of them meeting. I want to hang out with my friends, but I can’t ditch my girlfriend who’s moving up here just to live with me, you know? How do I handle it — should my friends and I let another into our friendship bubble, or will she just pop it and ruin it for all?

—Waiting In Angst

Angst-ridden,

You’re scared that your girlfriend is going to ruin all the fun? Then why not just keep her separate from your boy toys?

Maybe you should pour her a nice glass of alcohol and get her to take drugs with you guys. Chiiiiill, woman! Am I right?

Or maybe you should just break up with her — it sounds like you are not at all into the idea of spending time with her.

She’ll be able to handle herself. The Twin Cities are bursting with sexy, single assholes. I’m sure she’ll have no trouble finding another one.

—Dr. Date