Dear Dr. Date,
I’ve just started getting serious with my casual hookup, and I’m starting to realize I don’t know that much about him. For example, the other day … he tinkled on me in the shower. When I freaked out, he started laughing and said it was a joke. How do I know he was just messing around (still, ew) and that he isn’t into peeing on chicks?
—Tinkle Tinkle Little Star
You know what they say, Tink: grains of truth in every jest. He may very well be into peeing on girls. Your safest recourse in this case is to do something equally weird and play the “just kidding” card — how he responds will let you know if he’s really a jester or just a urine-obsessed joke.
Dear Dr. Date,
I was with a guy since high school until we broke up last week. The spark was just gone. We’re both growing up and realizing that our high school lovin’ doesn’t work in the whole wide world of college handys, hookups and hangovers.
Anyway, we broke up and were on pretty good terms until I saw him at a bar with another girl. His girlfriend. Three weeks after our five-year relationship ended. How? How does that happen? Does that mean our five years meant nothing to him? I totally get rebound hookups, but being exclusive with someone else is a whole other thing. How do I get over this? I thought I already was over him, but now I’m wondering if I am and if he was ever into me in the first place …
A man doesn’t date a woman for five years if he’s not into her. Marnie, he loved you.
One of the hardest things about breaking up is maintaining respect for your former relationship — it’s easy to say things like, “Yo, eff that guy” and, “What a mistake” and, “I hate myself for letting that happen.” The thing to remember is that our relationships contribute to making us who we are, for better or for worse.
By getting with another girl, he isn’t necessarily disrespecting the memory of your relationship, which is what you care about, right? I’m sure if someone impartial asked him about you today, he might have a few negative things to say, but if they checked back with him in two years or so, he’d be brimming with sweet anecdotes about his lovely high school girlfriend.
Your five years meant a lot to him — five years is a long time. Five years doing anything means a lot.
You are over him. Don’t let yourself not be over him just because you’re feeling insecure about how he feels about your relationship.
Girl, be steadfast in your over-him-ness. He’s got a new girlfriend. Who knows why? He might be doing this just to make you jealous, and you’re falling right into that trap. Think about what would happen if you made a stink about this — worst case, you have to get back together; best case, he hates you.
Move on, Marnie girl. Go eat a cupcake with Hannah or something.
Dear Dr. Date,
I met a guy at Pride this weekend. I have his contact info and got the sense that he was into me too. But looking back on it, I’m nervous about whether the spark was real, or whether it was more fueled by the glitter, booze and Kelly Rowland. I can’t get a read on him from his texts but don’t want to make a big deal about it because it’s so soon. How can I tell if this guy can be my Soldier, or if I should just stay an Independent Man?
How about you meet up with him in person? Everyone has a different texting style, so it’s hard to read what people mean. But when there’s a face in front of you, you’ll be able to pick up on little hints real quick. You may even discover if he shares your taste in music, and you guys can sit around listening to Destiny’s Child all day. Sounds perfect.
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