Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I met this awesome girl my first semester here on campus, and we really hit it off as the best of friends. After seeing her go through some ups and downs in a few different relationships, I realized and told her that I had feelings for her as more than a friend.

She responded that she wasn’t ready to give me a “fair go” yet, seeing as she was still getting over her previous man. How can I try and make things work so I still have a shot next semester when we both make our way back to campus?

—Lost And Confused

Lost Boy,

You have to give people their space. If she’s been mature enough to let you know that she needs some time to get over her last guy, you have to be mature enough to respect that.

Play the long game, Lost Boy. Let her heal fully before you pounce. How do you know if she’s healed? Well, she’ll probably pounce.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

All my girlfriends and I are completely into the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy. It’s so juicy I can barely read it in public. But a discovery the other night has me questioning things …

See, I walked in on my boyfriend reading it. And from his hard-on, I could tell he was into it. Does that mean my man is into submission? Does he want me to be submissive or the other way around? I’m not sure if I’m ready for the man of my fantasy erotica to collide with real life and my real guy …

—Not Quite Ready To Be Anastasia

Fantasia 2000,

I’m not sure if everyone is on board with this theory, but I think it’s a truth universally acknowledged by sex-savvy folks that the things that turn people on in their fantasy life are not the same as the things they actually want.

That’s why there’s so much weird porn out there. If we’re experiencing something by porn proxy, we need the flavors to be stronger so that we can taste something. We need the people to be much hotter, the sex to be way wilder and, um, can we get some shackles for my ankles?

That said, it’s totally poss that your boo is actually into being submissive or dominant. If you’re not ready for either, you don’t need to explain yourself too much. A simple, “I’m not ready for it” will keep you safe.

If you start to think that maybe you do want to try out the submission thing, there are ways to do it without going whole hog. Introduce elements of submission gradually. Be open with your partner. Have a safe word. Establish boundaries.

Good luck, ’Stasia.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I’ve been smoking since high school, and I’ve never been really pressured to stop because most of my friends smoke, too. But now I’ve found a great guy that is adamant I give up the cancer sticks. Obvi, I wouldn’t put nicotine and Lucky Strikes over nailin’ and love, but it would be very hard for me to quit. How can I tell him that I want to try, but it’s not just an on-off switch? What if he gives me a “Quit Now” ultimatum that would just be too hard to do?

—Blazin’ Heart

Smokin’ Hot,

You already know what you need to say because you just wrote it to me: “I want to try, but it’s not just an on-off switch.” Once you tell him that, he should be more understanding of your vice. And he should be more willing and able to step into the role of ally, helping you quit rather than admonishing you for every ciggy hanging out of your mouth.

If he gives you an ultimatum, drop him like a pack of Newports. I might get some flak for writing this, but smoking is one of the great simple pleasures in life. Sorry I’m not sorry, readers.

You’ll be able to quit if you really want. I got faith in you. But don’t let this guy treat you like a child.

—Dr. Date