My boyfriend likes telling racist jokes. I know he’s not actually meaning to be offensive and bigoted, but it’s become such a thing among him and his friends that I think he’s actually become a racist. I have friends that aren’t white, and now I avoid hanging out with them and my boyfriend at the same time. When will the jokes stop? It’s not very funny anymore…
Break up with him. Like, right now. Just do it. He’s probably a big jerk, and this is a great excuse to end it anyway.
Also, if it’s a thing among him and his friends, that’s a huge red flag. Because his friends are probably racist as hell, and if your boo is susceptible to this level of groupthink/conformity, he’s not really a man of conviction.
Even if he doesn’t mean to be offensive and bigoted, that’s what he is. What if one of your non-white friends, or, say, a non-white adult you have a lot of respect for, overheard him? Your face would be so red, and you’d want to denounce him and pretend you’ve never even met him. Save yourself the drama.
You’ll feel better when he’s out of your life. I will, too.
I was recently in a local eating establishment, and the waitress was being rather friendly. My friend and I noticed that she was being very friendly specifically with me. She was doing things like putting her hand on my shoulder or arm and making noticeably more eye contact with only me.
I mean, she was a good waitress (professionally) to both of us but seemed especially interested in me. My friend said that she was hitting on me, but I wasn’t so sure.
Anyway, I guess my question is: How do I know which tip she is after? I mean, I know that she pays her rent with tips, but I assume some waitresses like a second type of tip, if you catch my drift. So basically, a) how do I figure out which tip she is actually after, and once I realize she is hitting on me, b) how do I politely give her both tips?
Oh, the Doc catches your drift alright. I’m sure your waitress picked up on the vibes, too — but maybe she was scared that you’ll freak out or get her in trouble if she made a move.
Let’s start with a discussion of your monetary tip. Fifteen percent is the bare minimum. That’s what you give another human so that they have a livable wage. Twenty percent is my standard. There’s no harm in going above that. In this case, you might look like you’re trying to buy a date, though.
Not only does tipping healthily make you a better human with mad karma, it makes you way more attractive to your waitress. Also, you can try something real crafty: Cut out a piece of paper that’s the shape and size of a dollar bill. When you’re leaving your tip on the table, fold the paper in with the money. Write a note on it — something noncreepy like, “Hey baby, I can tell you want a real tip. … Gimme a ring.”
I have a question that is less about romantic relationships and more about meeting people in general. My problem is when people ask me what my interests and hobbies are. I know this is a normal conversation starter, but I have trouble with it. Honestly, I like trying new foods, reading recipes and baking. I don’t think these are very “sexy” interests, though. Then when I tell people, I kind of nervously laugh, which also doesn’t help with how I come across. Should I find some other interests?
Conflict Of Interest,
One of the biggest myths of modern society is that you don’t have to be interesting to be desirable, as either a friend or a lover. The truth is, you do have to be interesting. That’s why women back in the day read history books and learned French and how to play piano as par for the course. Our interests refine us. I’m glad you get that even though our charm school days are behind us, we still have to make an effort to be delightful. This goes for dudes and chicks alike.
Truth is, your hobbies are interesting already. I look at them and I think, “This person is interesting because they’re interested in something.” I imagine that you go to farmer’s markets and read food blogs and have snobby opinions about culinary trends. Don’t underestimate how cool that is!
If anything, make your existing interests a bigger part of your life, and learn how to talk about them with other people.
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