>From Beau Danger
Yes, yes, props to you for yet another reference to Ed Gein, Plainfield's pride and joy - this one being extremely sly, but you couldn't slip it by all those serial killer/cannibal aficionados out there. Net: Next time we'll just slip it in. What of Armin Meiwes? Net: That cyber-Kraut stuff doesn't interest us. There's something unalterably creepy about Ed Gein. That's why he'll remain a pop culture trope for years, long after all of these Johnny-come-lately new-school punks are long forgotten. Breaking News!!! Small army of ASIMOs coming to a human slave camp near you. Don't worry, please take condolence in the fact that Bill Braskey once took 47 shots of Jim Beam followed by beer bonging 3 jugs of Carlo Rossi. Yes you remember Bill, he was the one driving an ice cream truck covered with skulls at the hockey riots. Take care and please support the right of consensual internet homo-sex cannibalism. Net: If it's good enough for Crimson Tome, it's good enough for us!
From Jerry Sizzler
greetings networkia. Last week i read a proposal from Rush that intrigued me and made some sense (i know, it took me by surprise too). I'm talking about the NoDak snowmaking angel record that they pathetically hold. i mean, come on. one thousand people? There are classes here that have more than that. Net: Of course, snow angel-making might be beyond the capabilities of many of our undergrads. If the u could send e-mails to everyone for a reminder, i'm sure we could get an overwhelming response. Besides, nobody likes NoDak anyways, so why should they get something (probably their only thing) to brag about? If one in six people from the u (excluding the sconnies) came, we would crush their record. And bravo to Witches for selecting the perfect place- the spot under the WAB last year where the snow accurately read BUSH LIES. Dont think you can make it? You have a class? screw it. how often do you get a chance to break a world record? Remember, Thurs, March 10, 2 p.m. And ladies, don't forget to wear those pink scarves. In the words of Kip - Peace out. Net: Maybe next year we can get the record for the most individuals writing their names in the snow.
From Cro-gar, Destroyer of Nations
I've noticed you've been short on limericks lately, so I thought I'd try my hand at degenerate poetry. Here are the results:
There was a young girl from out West
With quite an unusual chest
The boys that she'd woo
Never knew what to do
With her perky pink third central breast
That's right. Can I win an award for this? Net: If you can't, who can? But consider this:
A dapper young gent from Presque Isle,
Loved to pleasure his lady in style.
He'd rub and he'd rub,
And nibble her nub,
Till he gave her a vertical smile.
From Alan Thicke
In response to Hombrejeff, thank you for saying what was on everyone's mind. Net: Everyone who's not clearly insane, that is. Hilary Swank finally got her well overdue Oscar for "The Next Karate Kid." When Julie lands her drop kick onto the Okinawa rock, I shed tears of joy to this day. It is one of the all time classic movies of our generation. Net: Right up there with "Road House" and "Young Guns II." I become giddy everytime I see it in the on-screen tv guide and immediately put it on. My brother and I still refer to Hilary as "Ralph Macchio" from time to time. Net: So, you and your brother want a medal? On a slightly related note, does anyone think that Thomas Haden Church deserved the best supporting actor Oscar. I know Morgan Freeman is one of our greatest actors, but he is NO Ned ("Ned & Stacy"). I've seen "Sideways" and "Million Dollar Baby," and feel that Church gave a better performance. Anybody agree with that? Net: Don't hate on Morgan Freeman - he's magic.