>Seems you've got a lot of hate in your hearts, Networkia. We suggest a nice glass of cabernet and some John Tesh to calm your nerves. We find "Classical Music for Babies (And Their Moms), Vol. 2" particularly soothing.
What up Net? I'm sick of all these haters (Tooty, you ignorant wank-ass) bringing down Kanye. What the NUTT? Mr. West brings out a tight new album, with lyrics unlike anyone has ever delivered, beats that no one has ever dropped, Net: We dropped some beats once. They rolled under the fridge and we never saw them again. and guests like Jay-Z and Common, and dogs have the nerve to bring him down?! Net: If only the Baja Men could figure out who let those damn dogs out. NUTT that! Mr. West goes on national TV, speaks his mind against the President and the current discriminating agenda and gets disrespected?! Net: "Speaks" is a bit misleading. "Mumbles incoherently" is more accurate. NUTT that NUTT! Kanye is the greatest thing to happen to music in decades, and can make white guys like me feel comfortable wearing popped-collars and aviators while sober. Net: Which, coincidentally, makes him the worst thing to happen to fashion in decades.
Hey Tooty, shut up you big fat idiot! Net: Al Franken, is that you?
Was my e-mail a little too PG-13 for you? Remember when network used to be cool and allow swearing and offensive content like a real university newspaper should? That was about 3 or 4 years ago. Net: So, you're a sophomore? (How's that for old school Network?) NUTT this newspaper. I poured my heart and soul into making my entry as offensive as possible and more than half of my e-mail was cut out. Net: Well, why don't you cry about it? Saddlebags! I see why everyone is complaining about why network sucks, because it does, hardcore. Net: Ouch, that hurts us in our cyberheart. You cut out the good stuff to satisfy the conservatives and those jerks who think network is for expressing political opinion (whereas it's obviously for talking about trannies, circumcision and embarrassing sexual encounters). Net: Obviously. But the point is that I think network and the MN Daily owes me and every other University of Minnesota student an apology and a lifetime supply of dome. Net: You know what? You're right. We're sorry Ö sorry you're a jackass. Frankly, I'm so pissed. Net: At least you have your beloved trannies to console you.
So normally I wouldn't even write into you at all (because I get sick of all people bitching about every little thing, but this thing really bugged me. I wrote into Dr. Fraud yesterday under the pen name "Trying to be the good guy". I was trying to see how I could get people to see my friend for something other than his wheelchair and 18" inches of swinging death. Just kidding. So basically Dr. D-bag told me that if I was nice to said friend, he would get laid. WTF!?!? I've been nice to the kid, that's why I wrote into the first place, and I'm supposed to just keep doing what I've been doing for the past 5 years and things will magically change? Net: You want some results, eh? Tell you what Ö give your friend 200 bucks, drop him off at Chicago and Lake, and we promise he'll make some very friendly new acquaintances in no time. It's either that or he can pick up the leftovers at Sally's after last call on Wednesdays. I would have much preferred monkeys and/or drunken guys on the bus to give me advice rather than Dr. Date. Net: Who doesn't want a monkey?