Hey Net. First of all, lets laugh at all the people who paid the meters on Monday, Net: Can we point too? Pointing is so much fun. because as you know it was Columbus Day and meters were free - HAHA! Net: Columbus deserves about as much credit for "discovering" America as a 12-year-old boy deserves for discovering masturbation. On to more important things - the wall in front of McNamara is the NUTTing ugliest piece of NUTT I have ever seen! You'd think with the billion dollars that was donated for it they could have made something that didn't rust! Net: Better yet, they could put the money toward a more pertinent cause, like, oh, funding General College or scholarships or something.
From The Clamburgler
Hey Smacky, I thought you were a frog! I remember vaguely about putting you in a jar with a stick and a leaf to recreate your natural habitat. Net: What you do with your feces is your business. Frankly, we'd rather you kept it to yourself. Drunken freshmen hating aside, there is something else that's really starting to get under my skin. Where's the crazy religious guy yelling stuff in the Mall area? I suppose he does need a break though; being a religious bigot must get tiring after days of no one listening. Net: People can only take so much bigotry at a time. As long as Bush keeps speaking in public, well Ö The closest thing we have now are the Gideons, though they were only out for about a week this year. Thank heavens too (pun intended) since my supply of paper for sending out the black spot of piratey doom was running in short supply. Net: You've been watching "Muppet Treasure Island" again, haven't you? I'm not going to poke at them though, since they hand out bibles because they think it's the right thing to do or whatever. Net: It's really all due to a shipping error. They actually ordered 100,000 copies of "Scientology" by L. Ron Hubbard. Needless to say, they were mighty disappointed. Jesus might have walked on water, but he's no Xenu.
The idea of the LIVESTRONG celet is ridiculous. You pay a dollar to show that you are anti-cancer. Congratulations morons. Who is pro-cancer? Net: Pharmaceutical companies? I don't know many people who are, and there are certainly better ways of supporting cancer research. This is assuming that cancer can actually be cured, which in all honesty, probably won't happen. Sure it would be sweet if it was, but then people would just start dying of something else. Net: Like morbid obesity. That something else will be much more gruesome and disgusting than cancer, Net: See above. like a massive heart attack while taking a particularly difficult dump. Net: That's not so bad. Elvis died on the crapper and look how fondly he's remembered. So in essence by being anti-cancer all you are doing is being pro-death which is just awful.
Dear Networkia, please stop picking on frats! Net: But it's so easy, and we've been feeling lazy lately. Just because high school was the best time of our entire lives and we desperately try to perpetuate it by joining frats, doesn't mean you should make fun of us. Just because we like to arbitrarily throw footballs around in the front lawn with our shirts off on every single day without rain, Net: There are few things more glorious than a hairy beer belly glistening in the midday sun. and just because we model our entire wardrobe after "The Real World," doesn't mean you should rip on us. Do you think the thousands of dollars a year we pay people to be our friends grows on our parents' tree? Net: No silly-nilly, everyone knows money grows on shrubs. No, my parents *earned* my way through life. It is like CircleJerk said, "we're just that much cooler than you."