I gotta say Net, I was a little upset - scratch that - I was NUTTing pissed when I read Not a bball stat's entry into Dr. Date yesterday. First off, what the NUTT does he care anyway? Net: The real question is if he knew that you cared, would he care that you cared that he cares? Saying that band people inter-date creating their own "breed" of human is a disgusting thing to say, and calling them "a special people" and saying that being on the same level as a "band geek" is a step down for most is simply disrespectful. Net: If you're looking for pity this is the wrong place. Disrespect is our bread and butter. Can you imagine the feeling the members of the band have when they step on the field to the cheers of Gopher football fans? Net: Two words Ö Instant boner. Besides the sports teams, who else at this university gets that kind of recognition by its fans? When they play the rouser, Not a bball stat, you are exactly the kind of person they don't play it for. Net: That makes absolutely no sense.
O, Net! So apparently there have been two cases of indecent exposure on campus in the last week. Net: We've got an alibi, we swear. When someone tackles some poor girl in an alley and whips the old Beefy McManstick out... Net: We heard it more along the lines of Limpy McPiddlestick. it makes me wonder why he doesn't just walk a few blocks north and have some sorority girl do it for him? Net: Laziness. Unless the tackling is the fun part.... I can see that. Net: Actually, getting socked in the nose is the fun part. With guys like that in the world, it makes me realize that I'm the best freakin' guy on the planet! Net: And you're so modest, too. I'm gonna wait around for the flood of ladies who dumped their b/f's and will be knocking on my door.... any minute now....
Hey Net... Boy did I get unloaded on in yesterdays edition... Hult, thanks for suggesting Pigs Eye... I'll give it a shot. All I said about Miller was that it is the best BIG brewery... Net: What about Pabst? Of course there is much better stuff out there! I'll admit though, some of my favorite times also had the Champagne of Beers involved (although I will say the mud-butt the day after is not fun...). As for bigger and better, step off the 'Sconnie knowlege of brew my friend. Net: This could get nasty. The Germans came to Wisconsin to pass down their fine brewing traditions for a reason! Net: Loose women? I don't go around questioning your knowledge of hockey, flour, or blond hair and other fine Scandinavian arts. To celebrate you, and your repetitive non-use of capital letters, i wrote you a haiku...
bigger is better
Who's toilets will you clean up
When G.C. shuts down?
Net: White Castle is hiring.
So this one time, I was sitting in Walter with my good buddy TheBestSandwich, and we were debating the origins of the Hulk's strength and stamina. Net: the green one or the guy with the skullet? The best we could come up with is that his epidermis is filled with chlorplasts, giving him the ability to generate "bonus" energy through photosynthesis. Net: This doesn't sound very scientific. We figured this was feesable because as you can obviously see trees are impenetratable to bullets and then grow to an enormous size. Net: Yeah, you're definitely not a scientist. There is no way that gamma rays could have caused his change because any genetic mutation would most assuredly cause death. We figure it was a genetic splice with a tree instead. I mean look at him... he's GREEN. How the (NUTT) do you account for that huh?!!! That is propostorous. INCONCIEVABLE!!!!! Net: You keep using that word. We do not think it means what you think it means.