>Well, Networkia, you made it through the end of spring semester '06. No longer must you sit through mind-numbingly boring lectures; rather, you can look forward to watching mind-numbingly boring TV and terrible movies Hollywood will charge you too much for. Congrats. At least we'll be around, right?
What's crackin, Net? Net: Keith Richards' skull. Boy, you sure have gotten me through some of the most boring classes. I thought it appropriate to summarize the important events of Networkia this semester and partake in a little "airing of grievances." Net: Actually, Festivus is still 214 days away Ö #1: Fat girls wearing tight ass pants. Net: Ass pants? Those don't sound like they cover much. This has become quite an epidemic. #2: Some lazy fat chick complaining about curved bridges between her and her fried chicken. #3: MN vs. WI as far as women, beer/cheese and numerous other things go. I am a neutral third-party (yeah, KS rocks it pretty hardcore) Net: You're right, whenever I hear rockin or hardcore I think of Kansas (state, band or otherwise). on this issue, but I have to say from what I have gathered, WI wins with the better babes, beer and sports teams. #4: Dumb ass bikers running over us all and the lazy asses taking the bus only one stop. NUTTing use your feet you lazy asses. #5: Something that didn't get enough attention, old people in our classes. Either buy some booze for me and the rest of the minors in class or shut the NUTT up with your stupid questions. Net: "What do you mean by 'Class is over, get out,' professor?" Well, I am out, but not like a fat kid in dodge ball, because that is just dumb. Net: Your whole letter, or just that last idea?
So I'm gonna get right to it. Net: OK, but be gentle. I've been on this campus for four years now and have constantly been searching for good places to do my business. Net: We've heard the third level of the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science building gets a lot of traffic. Now I'm a man who, like many of you, enjoys a little quiet time alone once the beer and late-night burritos from the previous evening have settled through my system. And as luck would have it, on my last official day of classes, I find the perfect spot. Net: Bob Bruininks' desk? We'll call it 157 Heller Hall. Net: Oh. It's a single NUTTer with a locking door that ensures you won't be bothered, no matter how long the process takes. Net: Actually, Fun Bobby has keys to everything. I would normally keep this sensitive info to myself, Net: Bah, the NSA already knows. but being that I will no longer be frequenting the west bank, I figured I'd share the good news with all. Happy hunting, and good luck.
All knowing Nettie, what's the most glorious appearance of Minneapolis in a motion picture? Is it the verbal reference in that utterly profound and entertaining film The Postman? Or perhaps the scenic drive across the old Stone Arch Bridge in everybody's favorite family comedy Joe Somebody? Or would it be the most romantic MN film ever made, Untamed Heart? Or would it be that one big scene in Sarcasm's Silver Screen? Oh so many! Help us Nettie won Net: It's wan. kenobi you're our only hope! Net: So how 'bout it, Networkia? Name the film that correctly portrays Minneapolis as a beautiful, bustling city. You could win Ö well, nothing, actually, you're not getting anything. Greedy bastards.