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Dear Dr. Date,

So, I met this new girl this weekend. We hit it off pretty good, I'm sure. I had a friend tell me that she likes me, but the problem is when I find a new girl that I like I always REALLY like the girl.

I've always blown these situations and I don't want to come off as the clingy type of person. I want to talk to this girl but I don't want to come off as having too strong of feelings for her.

I've never really had great success with girls. I never really am able to pick up signs from girls.

I'm not the kind of person who usually tries to rush things but rather I move things too slow and the girl will move on.

What are some easy ways of picking up signs from this girl on how she feels toward me when we hang out in the future?

-Missing Signals

Dear Missing Signals,

If the subtle signs of interest transmitted by women were something that could be explained so easily, there would be no need for columns like this.

Some guys can't pick up female signals very well. You could improve your signal-reading ability by reading half a dozen books on male and female relationships, including "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." (Yeah, it's a little retro, but I haven't seen anything better come along to take its place.)

If you read all those books, you might be able to buy a clue and maybe you could go ski on the Bunny Hill of Love while more skilled skiers go zipping by to take on the Alpine Sexual Thrill Mountain.

But many times, when guys say they "can't read signals," what they really mean is they fear rejection so much they are unwilling to act on the signals they perceive, thinking the girl is just flirting or worried they might be misinterpret her intentions.

Do some things to improve your own sense of self esteem. Work out. Get fantastic grades. Push successfully for a raise at work. Pimp your crib and your sled. Wear nice clothes and just a hint of any cologne except, of course, the execrable scent of Axe Body Spray.

Nothing attracts women and pushes them toward unambiguous signals like a man who is confident and irresistible.

-Dr. Date

Dear Dr. Date,

I am completely enamored with this guy that lives on my floor. Initially, I tried to ignore the entire notion of trying to get together with him because I was a little uncomfortable with floor inter-relationships, but now I have gotten over the discomfort and I am still pining after him.

It has gotten to the point where I feel like I have reverted back to middle school, because I catch myself constantly staring at him while we are doing homework and I make up excuses just to be in the same room with him.

Frankly, I am utterly confused as to his feelings towards me. I know he considers me to be a friend, but sometimes he does things that could be considered flirting. Again, I just don't know.

To add to the situation, I'm starting to sense some competition from another girl on my floor. I realize this makes me seem kind of paranoid, but like I said I'm really just confused about what he thinks.

While all of this is going on, I'm still trying to keep the whole situation on the down low because I still have to live with all these people for the rest of the school year and I would like to avoid as much humiliation as possible.

So what's the best way to win over his attention without making myself look like a stalker or an idiot in front of my entire floor?

-Hopelessly Dazed And Confused

Dear Hopelessly,

The worst thing that can happen is NOT that you will try to win his affection and fail in front of everybody.

No, the worst thing that can happen is you will graduate from the large and optimum pool of eligible mates which is college, and then seek a mate in the post-college world where selection grows thinner and bleaker, until finally you are making goo-goo eyes at men in your nursing home and plotting ways to flirt during the oatmeal distribution.

If you try and fail, and feel humiliated, then you just award yourself a Purple Heart in the War of Love, hold your chin up instead of letting it fall to your chest, and try again.

You don't win this game by standing on the sidelines. As in other games, you might get kicked hard in the shins or take a ball to the face, but you only win by getting in there and playing.

Yet love is a complicated game and can change in a moment. Defeat can transform into victory when some hot guy hears about how you made your move, and failed. He might see that as a perfect moment to make HIS move.

Besides, today's hot dorm gossip is yesterday's old news. Even romantic humiliation is only interesting for a day or two, and after that everybody wants to know which CA is bopping a first-year.

-Dr. Date

Dear Love Specialist,

My life right now resembles the one of Jim at The Office. I work with a very nice girl that I like a lot and enjoy spending time with. It seems like we have a lot in common, and she seems to have a good time with me, laughing at my jokes and so forth.

The problem: she has a boyfriend. But there is definitely a vibe between us, and sometimes I feel she is into me. Sometimes we go out a lot (dinner, coffee) but then it can be weeks before we talk to each other.

I don't want to make a very strong move given her situation, but if she likes me, what should I do? How do I know if she is into me or if it is me imagining things?

-I Feel Like Jim

Dear Jim,

You know how to keep a bike from being stolen? You need two different kinds of locks. There is the strong, primary Kryptonite brand U-lock and then there is the back up cable with a padlock.

You are like the back-up. If her first and primary relationship fails, she still has a secondary. Thus, her life is quite secure right now, like a double-locked bike.

You might have a shot if something goes wrong with the first relationship, so do whatever you can to keep tabs. Then again, (stepping outside the lock metaphor) you could just get in there and compete.

But your letter supports a theme in this column: women might often assume their signals are quite clear. However, guys often need something stronger. Like a brick to the cranium.

-Dr. Date