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Dear Dr. Date,

I need some help. Every weekend that my roommate goes home, my boyfriend usually comes here to stay with me in my dorm. Things start to escalate and we usually have sex. I feel rude to my neighbors though, what if they hear us?

He likes ... vocalization ... but I feel bad screaming and moaning when my friends are just 10 feet away through really thin walls.

Got any advice on what I can do?

Thanks,

-Respectfully Silent

Dear Silent,

I first must say that your boyfriend must be receiving some good loving if he can't hold back his pleasurable screams and moans. Take pride in that.

Aside from experiencing out-of-this-world ecstasy, it is a bit impolite to involve your roommates in the sexual romps of you and your boyfriend.

Remember when you first heard that your parents still have sex? Or when you actually heard them having sex? I bet you still remember where you were, what you were wearing and how you recoiled when you found out. Yeah, that was emotional then, and in reality, roommate sex is the exact equivalent of parent sex, only college style.

He probably feels like he can be as loud as he wants because he's not the one that has to face your roommates on Monday morning. My advice, besides the taboo putting a tie on the doorknob, is to travel over to his college nest. As soon as things start getting hot and heavy, bring out the most obnoxious moans you possibly can (see When Harry Met Sally for tips).

Aside from him writhing in embarrassment for your high-strung vocal cords, I can bet he'll get the picture and tone it down a bit next time.

Your silent but deadly,

-Dr. Date

Yo DD!

What's shaking? My housemates and I have been hearing the rhythmic squeaking from the people upstairs.

Now, I am all for the morning pick-me-up, if it's me, but I've been lonelier than the preacher in the mall. (That story can be for another day.)

Is it rude to make a comment, such as "well, that sounded like fun?" when I run into them at the bus stop? How do I bring up the subject without sounding like a complete ass?

-If it's not me, I don't want to hear it

Hey Bay-Bay,

It looks like we've found the unfortunate victim of Respectfully Silent's sexcapades. Now I can't promise that their raucous rendezvous will cease, but let me equip you with some tools to help you decrease their morning moans.

Besides getting even with them, which will probably go unsuccessful as they're your neighbors, not your roommates, is to shoot them an anonymous note.

My suggestion is to slip one under their door. It doesn't have to be rude, though I can understand using a few choice words if the noise is waking you up, just make sure your needs are clear. They need to stop making their sex lives the center of everyone else's existence.

I can only imagine their embarrassment to learn that all of their neighbors have been listening to their love making. Don't be surprised if you spot a sullen couple hanging their heads in shame for the next week.

-Dr. Date

Dear Datemeister,

My girlfriend and I are sexually active, and we have both been tested and are STD-free (though, both of us were virgins when we met, so no surprise there). We had previously been using condoms habitually but stopped after she had been on the birth control pill for a while.

I've read that birth control has a much lower failure rate than condoms, so is it fine that we stopped using them?

On a side note, I've also heard that the "pulling out" method of birth control is almost as effective as using condoms when done properly. Is this true?

-Don't Call Me Daddy

Dear Don't Call Me Daddy,

I think that becoming a parent is one of the biggest fears of college students, so it's good news to hear that you're being proactive about your future. That said, I have to tell you that I'm not an expert in family planning. I leave that up to the real docs.

Still, I can give you a few pointers in the world of contraceptives.

Condoms are usually the first line of defense - they protect from STDs and pregnancy but are never 100 percent effective.

The birth control pill is more competent to keep you baby free but doesn't protect against the array of infections and diseases lingering around campus. Barrier your area with a condom to be safe.

The pull-out method is a generally poor decision, usually initiated during drunken hook-ups. Under no circumstance should you use the pull-out method, play "just the tip," or be convinced that riding dirty is no big deal. Trust me it'll matter nine months down the road.

So, the real advice is, go to a doctor if you have any qualms about living the safe life. You'll sleep much more soundly once you do.

-Dr. Date