A&E still cares about you, and we know you missed our sarcasm during our week-long hiatus. After all, who helped you pick out which North Face to don? We feel that we've failed you (only slightly) and so this week's installation is chock full of priceless tips.

Spring break is just more than 24 hours away (we can tell you've been living at Darque Tan) and we've got a flawless guide to help you avoid taking too many prescription drugs while you're stuck somewhere south of the border. Remember, darlings, tequila and Percocet don't mix!

Garbage>>

CELEBRITIES

Alright, hold up. EBay is featuring a date with Scarlett Johansson along with autographed DVDs and a personalized note. We love her charitable attitude, but isn't this auction bordering on celebrity prostitution?

MUSIC

Justin Currie, frontrunner from Del Amitri, decided it would be a good idea to record a solo album. We were finished with you circa 1995. This was not the right time to roll back around here.

TV TRAY

We're just about tired of Rachel Ray's egocentric, smoker-voice antics. We get it. You cook or something. That doesn't justify dressing like a Dutch schoolgirl on a magazine that features you in every issue.

STYLE

I really don't think we should have to say this, but Crocs were never an acceptable footwear choice. Even your garden deserves something more fashionable.

CUISINE

What's with the gas station hot dogs, mayonnaise and the fish sticks in the back of your freezer? Come on, let's make our generation's characteristic dishes part with the spare tire-inducing traditions of the past.

Knowledge>>

CELEBRITIES

Drew Barrymore recently donated $1 million to the World Food Programme to feed thousands of schoolchildren in Kenya. What's more, she did it during an appearance on Oprah. Celebrity philanthropists unite!

MUSIC

It's been out for a few weeks, Bon Iver's new album "For Emma, Forever Ago" is liquid gold. Pick it up for some neo-soul whispery perfection.

TV TRAY

If the food network is really your persuasion, "Everyday Italian" with Giada de Laurentiis is a far superior choice. She actually speaks Italian, which apparently defines a first-rate chef? We think so.

STYLE

Have you been down on your denim lately? Industrial chic G-Star Raw's new collection has just the right amount of edge to get you through the last few months (years?) of winter.

CUISINE

Know what cardamom is? Have you had an encounter with a sprig of cilantro lately? Almost every cultural cuisine is ripe with flavors, maybe even seven at once. This week, try frying up some Thai egg rolls or see if you can whip up some curry. Your bored mouth will thank you.