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Alas, my lovely readers, it has finally come - the last day of school. If, as you are reading this, you are sitting next to a major cutie, I order you to initiate a conversation. Time is running out!
I know some of you are sad, knowing you might not get to spend as much time with this cartoon doctor until after summer break, but do not fret. I love all of you, and will be here for your dating questions all summer long. Go, my children! Have a great summer break, and don't hesitate to send any questions my way. *Mwah* Goodbye!
Dear Dr. Date,
I've spent this whole school year looking for Ms. Right. I'm a senior and, like many of my friends have done, I wanted to find that special lady while spending four glorious years here at the U.
Unfortunately, like all the years past, this year only resulted in my heart being broken - three times. I finally got sick of it and stopped trying. Now, however, in these last few weeks, I think I'm ready to get up and try one last time. I'm not looking for a weekend fling. I want summer romance that will turn into something more as I go out into the grown-up working world.
What I need from you, Doctor, is a suggestion of a place I can find an upstanding lady. I don't prefer going to the bars on campus because the guys are all kind of drunk D-Bags, and the girls I meet seem to be into that. Usually, if I do meet a girl who seems interested in me, she's wasted, and not much happens when I call her later in the week because she barely remembers the conversation.
I keep finding girls I'd do anything for, but it seems like they all are already involved. Girls my age are either taken or haven't grown up yet. Again, where can I find a good girl for this good guy? Anything helps.
-Ready to be Found
Dear Ready,
The answer to your question is quite simple. Why not just go to the upstanding lady emporium? They all seem to hang out there.
Just kidding (or as you kids say these days, JK!). Unfortunately, finding that special someone isn't so easy. I'm asked time and time again where to find a good guy/girl around campus, and my answer is always the same: There is no one best place.
Bars seem to work out for some people, but it's usually a place to meet people for less permanent relations. What you need to do is go to the places YOU enjoy. Whether it be karate class or bowling, doing something you enjoy always aids in the search for someone you might want to practice your golf swing with, for lack of a better innuendo.
The best part of this approach is that it provides for an easy ice-breaker - simply talk about the activity at hand and provide an introduction. This helps eliminate room for awkward pauses and embarrassing comments.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that you should become more involved in the things you enjoy. If you've been having an urge to do some rock climbing, now is the time. Whatever it may be, you'll often find yourself running into someone when you least expect it.
There are, of course, the more common alternatives, like coffee shops or a salsa dancing club, but try your hand at activities you really want to do first. I think you'll be surprised at what - or who - you might find.
-Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
Let me throw some cautionary advice out there that applies to a lot of "nice guys." Date, don't hang on to that one woman you've got idealized. You know her: she's oh-so-perfect, and you just keep screwing up. Date around and find out she's not so perfect ... in fact, dare I say, none of them are.
Let me go one step further. If you're being a "nice guy," you're probably either leaving yourself content to be a doormat OR you're doing a fantastic acting job. Honestly go for what you want. Honestly present what you want. There's probably someone in this huge campus looking for the same thing. You don't have to be that "nice guy." It certainly isn't getting you anywhere.
-Nice guy a few years older
Dear Nice Guy,
Well, I'm sure all the nice guys in Dateopia will take this one to heart. I like how you touched on the idea of dating, even if it's not with Ms. Perfect. All too often, people wait around too long without making any efforts toward anyone other than the "one." There are plenty of people out there who can work for you. You just need to give it a chance.
On the subject of being a doormat, I think it's fair to say some guys do suffer from this syndrome. The message is not, however, to be a jerk, but to stand up for yourself and be assertive in what you want. Now that all the "nice guys" in Dateopia have heard this, hopefully they will be able to take some of it to heart.
-Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
In response to Student of Dating 101, who talked about nice guys and about the nice guy syndrome, in general, I would like to explain one thing. There are nice guys, and there are "nice" guys. Some guys are genuinely nice, and these guys get girlfriends, if they take care of themselves and aren't pathetic.
Then there are the "nice" guys who are only nice in hopes of getting laid. They befriend girls they find attractive, in hopes that the friendship will turn into something more, which is usually a good way to go about getting a relationship, but not if you are trying to play the friend angle specifically to get the girl.
Girls can see right through this and it is NOT attractive. I've had more than one guy attempt the same thing with me and, while I enjoyed the friendship, I could sense what they were doing and did not fall for it. So, all you "nice" guys who are complaining that you're too "nice" to get a girl, make sure you are befriending girls to be friends, not to get some.
-Don't be a "Nice" Guy
Dear DBANG,
I feel you have a good point, but I would just like to say that befriending someone in the hopes that it might turn into something else is a completely valid approach. In fact, that's usually how it works, given both people are mutually attracted to each other at the beginning.
If a guy meets a girl he finds attractive, it's only natural to act "extra nice" and, unless this guy is normally a D-bag, I don't see any reason why this would impede his progress with the girl. So, I would say the thing to be taken away from this discussion is simply to be genuine.
-Dr. Date
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