Dr. Date,
So here’s the deal: I’m a senior at the University in CSE, male, and quite frankly, I’m lonely. Despite the fact that I’m graduating soon, I’ve never had any form of companionship — no girlfriend, no date, nothing — and not for lack of trying.
Dr. Date,
I met this guy in my math class, and I really like him. He is smart, handsome and funny, and I think he likes me, too. But yesterday I found out that he has a huge Mickey Mouse tattoo on his right arm, which I find really off-putting. When I asked why he got it, he said because Mickey Mouse was his childhood hero, and he had no regret doing so.
What should I do? Should I find someone else, or should I go out with him?
Dr. Date,
I’m frustrated with my girlfriend lately. We’ve been dating for about a year now. And this semester, we moved in together.
She worked over the summer as a camp counselor, but since school started, she hasn’t had a job. Her parents help her out with money. And this way, she has more time to “focus on academics.”
Dr. Date,
The other night I was out in Dinkytown, and I noticed this guy making eyes at my girlfriend. She was just being her normal self — bubbly and friendly — and I think he got the wrong message. He approached us, and we chatted for a few minutes. It was brief, and I figured after he realized that we were together, he would move on.
Dr. Date,
My boyfriend and I met before summer and had all of summer’s free time to just have fun and hang out.
Now that school has started and he has a million other things to do, I feel like I’m always the one that tries to see if we can hang out — which only happens once or twice a week for about an hour or so.
Dr. Date,
This summer, I started dating a girl I worked with (yeah, great idea).
I had never clicked so well with a girl before, both emotionally and physically. And three dates in, she invited me back to her place. I was extremely nervous. I didn’t have much of a mental intention of being in a situation like that with her — but every possible physical one.
Dr. Date,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for a couple of years, but I’m not attracted to her — not like I once was.
She is smart, kind and completely committed to our relationship. She has also overcome some tough troubles, and I admire her strength. We share some of the same nerdy interests, which is awesome. We have a lot of fun when we hang out, and she’s so supportive. We have a deep emotional connection.
“Guy 1: “You’re being sassy!”
Guy 2: “No, YOU’RE being sassy!”
Guy 1: “Dude, you put the SASS in sassy!”
Professor: “We were invaded by Alaska. Never quote me on anything about history.”
—Tate Lab
Tour Guide: “Make sure you wave at the college students; they like the attention.”
“I nicked my nipple shaving with a picture.” 
—Middlebrook dining hall
Girl: “Oh my gosh!
Professor: “Sixty-five degrees and you guys act like oversexed teenagers!”
Officer: “We’re gonna need more cars.”
Drunk guy being chased by riot police: “DUDE, I SAID NO TAGBACKS!”
“If we win, we riot. If we lose, we riot. If the U cancels Spring Jam over this, we riot.”
—Coffman Union
Person 1: “My son is taking medicine to increase his appetite since he’s such a picky eater.”
Person 2: “Oh, really? What is it, medical marijuana?”
—Walter Library
TA: “I was supposed to be studying, but instead, I just spent 10 minutes looking at cowboy boots on Etsy!”
Guest speaker: “A lot of what I’m saying here may or may not be true.”
 —Ecology class
Professor: “If anyone shares the exam questions, I will find you and cut you into pieces.”
—Moos Tower
Professor: “Don’t eat your crayons if you want to be a vegetarian.”
—Ruttan Hall
“Had like 10 things to post on ‘Overheard’ this semester, but I ain’t no snitch.”
“What’s ‘earl sweatshirt?’”
Professor: “It’s the same with travel manuals and porn. I’d rather do it myself than watch someone else do it.”
—Nicholson Hall
Girl to her friend: “Hold on, I have to Instagram my first iced drink of 2014.”
Girl: “Look! It’s soil! SOIL! We can plant things in it!”
 —McNeal Hall
Girl: “Guys! My piss was clear!”
“You talked a big game all week, and then you didn’t even show up to White Castle!”
—Amundson Hall
Guy 1: “Are we gonna make bro tanks for the trip?”
Guy 2: “No.”
Guy 1: “We’re wearing bro tanks on the trip.”
Guy 2: “If you wear a bro shirt, I will set you on fire.”
—Bio-Medical Library
Professor: “Nobody walks into a room naked. It’s not as exciting as a strip tease.”
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