Dr. Date,
My roommates are the type of girls who sleep with different guys every weekend, whereas I’m someone who likes to establish a relationship before having sex. I’m not judging their different lifestyle, but I do have one issue with it.
With the different guys coming and going through our apartment, I don’t always feel safe. My roommates usually meet these guys at a bar, have a few conversations with them and then bring them home. There’s no way to know if they’re trustworthy or not. Fortunately, none of us girls have had a bad experience with one of them stealing or ruining something at our place, but I can totally see it happening. It’s just a matter of time.
Is there a way around this? I always lock my doors at night, but I don’t like feeling unsafe in my own home. I also don’t want to come across as a prude or make things awkward between my roommates and me.
—Anonymous
Safety Should Come First,
Especially when it comes to your own home, safety should be a top priority. No one has any right to come in the way of that. Being able to sleep soundly without worry for your safety is worth having an awkward conversation with your roommates. Who cares if they think you’re a prude? You need to stand up for yourself.
There’s no need for them to bring strangers to your place, especially after you voice your discomfort. If they truly feel safe with these guys, they always have the option of shacking up at their places instead of yours. Suggest hookups in other places — like a closet or bathroom — where it’s out of your home spaces.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
My best friend since high school is in the process of planning her summer wedding, and the stress has completely taken her over. She’s giving a whole new meaning to the term “bridezilla.” I don’t know what to do.
I’m in the wedding party and trying to help, but her temper and mood swings are out of control. I don’t even like to talk to her about it. She has these big dreams about making sure it’s the perfect day, but in reality, we all know that probably won’t be the case.
All of the other bridesmaids are in the same boat, and we’re looking for answers. How can we help her plan without falling victim to her random outbursts? She really just needs to relax.
—Wedding Woes
Emotional Rollercoaster,
The closer you are with someone, the more unpleasant emotions they will share with you. Besides weddings, there are other times in life when this happens, too, like puberty or pregnancy.
When you care about someone, it’s important to take a step back and realize what’s contributing to their stress. She’s making huge decisions right now, like committing herself to another being, and her mood is probably all over the place because of it. Offer empathy.
The most important thing you can do is reassure her that regardless of how every detail of the big day goes, everyone she cares about wants her to be happy, and they will always support her.
And bear with her. The worst thing that could happen to your friend during this time would be losing all of her friends.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
This girl and I have been hooking up for a few weeks now, but I’m starting to like a different girl. I don’t want to cut ties with my sex buddy, though, and end up all
alone if the other girl rejects me. But should I risk it and let my crush know how I really feel? (The other twist is that she’s friends with my hookup buddy, so I’m afraid
she’d tell her if I come forward.)
—Classic Love Triangle
One or the Other,
When it comes to relationships, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too. (Technically you can, but you risk losing either or both of these women, and that risk is pretty high.)
You have to make a decision and choose which person you care more about and want to continue a relationship with. You’ll hurt the girl you’re currently with by dumping her, but with time, she’ll respect you for doing so because it will mean saving her intense heartache in the long run.
—Dr. Date
