Dr. Date,
I made a mistake. The girl of my dreams, someone whom I’ve liked since I was 10 and have had the pleasure of dating for more than a year now, is the one that I can imagine marrying one day. Yet, I made the biggest mistake of my life and hooked up with another girl. I’m disgusted with myself.
I know what you’re thinking, “Well, she must not mean much to you.” And I can understand that it may seem that way, but I can’t explain how much I regret the hookup. I’ve put my relationship in jeopardy, and I don’t even think I deserve much from her anymore.
Worse yet, I hurt the girl I love and the best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t know how to move forward right now, except by promising her that I will become a better person for myself and us. Should I do something else as well? I will continue to let her know how truly sorry I am, regardless if she ends up staying with me. This girl means the world to me, and I’m just wondering if you think there’s any chance I can get her back someday.
—A Guy Taking Responsibility
Mistakes Happen,
You’ve apologized, and that’s the first step toward reconciliation. And now, it’ll be your job to show her that you’ve changed and learned from the experience.
Strong trust is vital for a healthy relationship. Right now, she’s probably insecure about herself and her commitment to you. Remind her why you care about her and why she’s so important to you.
If she does stick around, then you’ll have to work to move past your guilt. You won’t be able to move forward if you’re constantly talking about the past and how it was a mistake.
Continue to apologize, but also give her a reason to have faith in you.
—Dr. Date
Dear Dr. Date,
I’ve been seeing this beautiful girl for more than a month now, and our relationship has been escalating steadily, which is great. Our relationship doesn’t go as well when we aren’t with each other in person.
She always seems pretty distant via text and has been that way since day one. She doesn’t play into the typical strategies of women whom I’ve been with in the past who initiate playful and emoticon-filled conversations multiple times a day.
I’ve tried the route of initiating more with her and trying to be more outgoing via texts. But that hasn’t really impacted her responses, which are generally good but often come across as terse and a little apathetic. Phone calls are not a problem, and her ill-texting game doesn’t seep into any other aspects of our interactions. Is it fair for me to ask her what the deal is?
—Wishing Texting Didn’t Exist
Reading Between the Lines,
Don’t take it personally; texting isn’t for everyone. Some people value an in-person connection over a digital one, and everyone has a different style when it comes to communicating via iMessage.
If her monotone texting is bothering you, ask her about it. She’s probably unaware of how you’re interpretaing the text messages. So by letting her know, she’ll perhaps think more about her words and punctuation before she hits send.
Avoid bringing up communication methods you’ve experienced in past relationships, and make sure you don’t place any blame on her.
And if this is your only problem with the relationship, consider yourself lucky. Don’t stress about her grandma-style texting skills, and think of it as a reason to meet in person more often. Healthy relationships don’t grow via cellphones anyway.
—Dr. Date
