Dr. Date,
I know sometimes you’ve got to know when to hold ‘em, and I think that this might have been one of those times. But that’s not what I did with someone, and now I have to deal with the fallout. I was hanging out with this guy and he went to go get something from his friend’s dorm really quick, and when he came back, I was butt naked on his bed. He kind of grazed my boob for a second, but then he just started crying. I spent almost two hours comforting him — still nude — until he went to sleep. Then I put my clothes on, headed out and haven’t talked to him since. So I don’t really know what I should do here. Like, was crying for two hours a hard no, or is he just working through some stuff that I should help him with? I mean, he let himself be vulnerable in front of me, so he must trust me deeply, right? I don’t know, Doc, please help me out; I’m in quite the
pickle.
—Melissa
Dear Melissa,
This might surprise you, but your situation isn’t unique. For a variety of reasons, many people cry during, after or when confronted with the possibility of a sexual encounter. That’s why it’s important to not smack them in the face with your naked sexuality. Sure, that might sound like a real riot, but you could really jam someone’s mind up for a bit. They could’ve experienced some sort of sexual misconduct when they were younger, or they could just have a lot of sexual anxiety.
Point being, it’s important. Well, it’s really the only responsible thing to do — to be explicit, vocal and understanding when you’re about to do the goo-goo-fu.
Now, what to do about the crying boy himself? First of all, you need to reach out because you’re right, he did allow himself to be vulnerable in front of you, and depending on the person, that could be a really huge deal. If he had yelled at you to leave, that would be one thing, but the boy basically fell asleep in your arms.
Even if you don’t want to continue pursuing a romantic or sexual relationship with him, it would sure be nice if you reached out to him to see if he wanted to get coffee and chat, or just give him a call to see how he’s doing.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
OK, so I’m pretty sure my boyfriend is cheating on me, but I’m also pretty sure that I’m OK with that — and I feel super duper freaked out about that. It’s not that I don’t want to be his boyfriend anymore, it’s that I just don’t really care if he sees other people.
That being said, I’m offended and hurt that he’s covering up his affair. I mean, I understand that he hasn’t been open about it because most people would find the door. But it’s just dishonest and manipulative to be so deceptive.
So yeah, I don’t know what’s up with me, and I don’t know what’s up with him. I don’t know how to even bring it up because I think he’ll think I’m the weirdo even though he’s the “cheater.”
Help me, Dr. Date, you’re my only hope.
—Melissa
Oh Melissa,
I don’t want to make any concrete claims about your sexuality, but it seems like you’re at least keen on exploring a polyamorous relationship.
Polyamory is a romance structure wherein the members of a relationship are just a-OK with having multiple relationships and their partners doing the same.
So yeah, man, don’t get in a funk about it. There are a lot of resources online to check out if you’re interested as well, like the Polyamory Society.
Again, maybe this doesn’t match up with you, but it might be something you want to check out.
As for Mr. Cheater over there, confront him with your feelings and your thoughts. Just see what happens, captain. I usually give this advice in these situations because complicating an already complicated situation like this is just a recipe for disaster.
—Dr. Date
