Network

DO NOT PUSH THIS BUTTON
From Insanebiker: Dear Net, I implore thee to apply thy wit to the following lines of scripture. Net: Has anyone seen our duct tape? Have you ever noticed all of the morons who stand on the street corners waiting for the light to turn? Net: Only when they're within spitting range. They walk up and push the little button like the sign says to. Net: We bet these are the same insolent brats who tried to fit the round peg in the round hole in kindy-garden. When the light doesn't turn right away, they push it again. If someone else has already pushed it, they go up and do it again. They are good trained little animals. Net: And even the best-trained critters need to be whipped across the derriere with a belt now and again. What they don't realize is that the buttons aren't hooked up to anything. The lights are on a timing system. Net: WHAT? You mean ...?! We've been ...?! But what about ...?! We thought the ...!! And all this time we thought one of the monkeys in Moos Tower was getting a shot of cocaine every time we pressed the button. Everybody knows that. If the lights are on a timer, why wouldn't the crossing lights be on the same one? The buttons are there so people think the light will turn faster. Net: Pavlov would be so proud. The really stupid thing is that they still continue to do it even though it doesn't get them anywhere any faster. Net: Ramp meters are borne of the same evil logic. "Waiting so you don't have to wait." Sheesh. Do they think that all of a sudden the light will change because they pushed a magic button? I can just see the people at the city DOT with a large map that flashes at the intersection every time someone pushes the button. Net: We think it would be cool if every time that happened someone would have to holler: "Huzzah! Twenty pounds for the king!" They must get a kick out of all of those idiots out there. Net: Whaddya think the cameras are for? Well, I need to school some freshpeople on how to commit suicide, but I hope to grace thee with my presence Net: Presents would be fine in the near future