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Marcy-Holmes neighborhood seeks public input for new Master Plan

rharrington@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 23:27:24 +0000

Marcy-Holmes officials are planning the neighborhood’s next 10 years.

The Marcy-Holmes Neighborhood Association is looking for a middle ground between traditional single-family homes and new student apartment complexes that have divided public opinion, focusing on what they call “gentle density.”

At a public hearing on Tuesday, residents expressed a desire to build housing for students, young families and seniors.

“They don’t want to become a monoculture of just students,” said Pierre Willette, economic and community development manager at the University of Minnesota Foundation.

Willette is part of a steering committee tasked with updating the neighborhood’s Master Plan, which Minneapolis City Council last updated a decade ago. He said Marcy-Holmes needs to keep working on being a neighborhood for everybody.

The old plan focused on keeping high-density housing on the neighborhood’s edges while maintaining a “solid core” of single-family homes on Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth streets southeast.

Willette said the recent swell of student housing has changed the neighborhood dramatically.

“The neighborhood needs to figure out how to deal with that change,” he said.

He added the University — and its students — are major stakeholders in the neighborhood’s future.

For more on what the Master Plan could change, pick up Wednesday’s Minnesota Daily.

Greg Grease: Minneapolis rapper on the rise

sharper@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:42:17 +0000

By: Spencer Doar

Greg Grease stepped off the First Avenue stage, casually took the congratulations of his fellow performers and friends and, with a big grin on his face, lifted his shirt, stood over a fan and let the air buffet his sweat-soaked body.

Last Friday in the Main Room, Grease opened for Sims and Astronautalis, just another gig to bolster credentials already buoyed by the acclaim for his 2012 album, “Cornbread, Pearl & G,” and 2013 EP, “Black King Cole.”

Last month, Grease performed at Soundset. In early June, he was playing in New York — a week later, Grease and his DJ, Ken Thomas, were still buzzin’ about their joyride in a white ’64 Plymouth Valiant (with sea foam green interior) on their way to Rye Playland, just north of New York City. His manager, Jon Jon Scott, was also oozing energy, stoked to see the launch of MTV Other, for which Grease did an interview.

It seems hard to imagine that Grease will be cleaning houses during the day for much longer, though he admits the work is great for getting into his head and working on material, like one long brainstorm session.

Grease takes a similar sort of solace from golf, which he tries to play every Sunday. In a similar way, it has helped him get “better and better” with his Zen patience.

If there’s one thing to wonder about Grease, it’s his edge, his angle. Genuinely down-to-earth and musically versatile, sometimes there can appear to be an absence of one clear, defining characteristic.

Prof has his goofy, party-boy shtick, the Doomtree cats each have their niche, Atmosphere is ubiquitous, Brother Ali has his righteous anger, but what about Grease?

Looking out over the audience as his set took off at 9:15 p.m. that Friday, it seemed the audience didn’t know what to do with him.

“C.R.E.A.M. Dreams,” one of Grease’s compelling odes to making it, features a sparse drumbeat with a lilting flutter of synthy flute over the top — while the second and fourth beats are clearly emphasized, there isn’t the clearly delineated means for the audience to jump in.

He’s an unusual newcomer to the Twin Cities hip-hop scene, and audiences don’t quite know how to consume him — probably because Grease is an artist first and a rapper second. His vision is as acute as his means of implementation. His voice is distinct, but his flow is adaptable, perhaps another source of confusion.

“Cornbread, Pearl & G” features heady lyricism and rhythms clearly influenced by his drumming background. Laid-back while somehow conveying energy, the album succeeds by seemingly letting listeners in on a secret that only Grease knows.

“Black King Cole” continued what Grease started, backing up his goal to simply “get better, continue growing.”

Before the First Avenue show Friday, Grease sat in The Depot Tavern, waiting to inhale a medium-well Portobello-Bleu Burger as the conversation turned to local difficulties with booking black rappers versus white rappers. That’s when Grease interjected and his edge was laid bare.

“I’m not going to let any of that shit hold me back,” Grease said.

If one thing is for sure, Grease is the word, he’s got groove, he’s got meaning.

What: 10 Thousand Sounds

When: 4-10 p.m., Saturday

Where: 8th St. and Hennepin Ave, Minneapolis

Cost: $20-$45

Age: 21+

The Goondas release "Dog Show"

sharper@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:32:05 +0000

By: Spencer Doar

The cover of Twin Cities rockers The Goondas’ new album “Dog Show” features a found photo of five guys mugging for the camera with their catch from a fishing trip.

Pop on the album’s accompanying 3D glasses, and the most prominent feature becomes the bulge of one particular Speedo-clad gentleman.

Given that drummer Josh Miller requires that every song has balls, it’s a perfect fit.

“It’s a judgment test—if the song has no balls, [Miller] vetoes it,” guitarist Jackson Atkins said.

While working on “Watch Your Tongue,” the eighth track on “Dog Show,” Miller refused to play because he thought it was too slow. So, for much of the eight months it took to make the album, bassist Andy Meuwissen switched instruments with Miller.

That’s pretty much the epitome of the Goondas: seriously goofy, but with a clear emphasis on wanting to rock.

Their self-titled first album strayed more in the garage punk direction but “Dog Show” features more bluesy inspirations and the occasional twang of country influence.

“I know that our first record was a bunch of songs we wrote kind of randomly and we didn’t know what we were doing yet,” Atkins said.

They began by playing covers; Miller stipulated he’d only join the band if they learned Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs” first.

As they gradually made the transition to original material, one thing remained constant—the ability to put on a crazy show.

“Everything’s all for a laugh,” Meuwissen said. “As long as people are entertained, if that means being the village idiot on stage — which we often are — and if somebody remembers that, had a good time and maybe enjoyed the music — maybe — I guess it was all worth it.”

A group for five years, the Goondas made a name for themselves by being wild — chipping teeth, smashing instruments, pretty much being off-the-wall in ways reminiscent of The Who’s antics.

Front man Brenden Green leads that charge to the wild side, and while all four guys knew each other growing up, Green was never a musician until he joined the band.

“We get so much shit about Brenden and the Goondas being a bunch of Iggy Pop [wannabes, but] Brenden didn’t even know who Iggy Pop was for the first two years of the band, he was just being himself,” Meuwissen said.

Green may not have known Iggy Pop, but the others have a profound knowledge of rock ‘n’ roll history. Meuwissen appears a walking encyclopedia—ask him anything about Black Sabbath or The Kinks and he’ll probably answer that question and five more you never thought to ask.

“I don’t know what music does for your life, but I think my life has been opened up by my favorite singers and made it into a real world for me,” Meuwissen said.

What: The Goondas “Dog Show” Release Party

When: 9 p.m. Friday

Where: Turf Club, 1601 University Ave., St. Paul

Cost: $6

Age: 21+

Souls of Mischief: the Still Infinity Tour

sharper@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:26:06 +0000

By: Spencer Doar

Tajai, along with fellow Souls of Mischief emcees A-Plus, Opio and Phesto, got a taste of success early. Tajai was just 18 in 1993 when the group’s debut album “93 ’Til Infinity” dropped. Early is relative, however; by that time, Tajai had been rapping with A-Plus for a decade.

Now, the Oakland natives — who are also part of the hip-hop collective Hieroglyphics — are embarking on a tour celebrating their quintessential album.

“In hindsight, it’s weird that we’re still eating off this,” Tajai said. “We were thinking we were going to be the best thing since sliced bread, so in that sense we failed, but…”

But people still love “93 ’Til Infinity,” especially its title track. The album remains timeless due to its honesty — Souls members never were anything but themselves, not succumbing to the will of what was then a rapidly developing hip-hop mainstream.

“I’m not a gangster or a pimp, so that’s not the experience I rap about unless I’m playing a character; we can just be real with it,” Tajai said.

That means occupying the gray area that is underground hip-hop. Their albums are jazz-influenced alt-rap, with more to offer melodically than something solely 808 focused.

That’s why their decision to travel with a six-piece band is so appropriate.

On tour, the Souls of Mischief are playing “93 ’Til Infinity” in its entirety, they have four other records to cull from, and they’ll perform classics from the whole canon as well as some new material.

Twenty years into “Infinity,” and the name seems entirely appropriate; the anthem hasn’t gone by the wayside. Buzz Lightyear would be proud.

What: Souls of Mischief

When: 8 p.m., Thursday

Where: Triple Rock Social Club, 629 Cedar Ave., Minneapolis

Cost: $15

Age: 18+

Culture Compass: Guante, Kanye and 10 Thousand Sounds

sharper@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:23:32 +0000

By: Joe Kleinschmidt

STUFF TO DO

FRIDAY:

“Speak Up and Get Down,” featuring Guante and the 2013 MN Brave New Voices team

Minneapolis underground emcee Guante is a busy man. As well as working with producer Big Cats on message-driven hip-hop albums like “An Unwelcome Guest” and his latest, “You Better Weaponize,” he’s also an essayist, political activist and teacher. Guante, a.k.a. Kyle Myhre, also happens to be a two-time National Poetry Slam champion, so Friday’s “Speak Up and Get Down” spoken-word showcase will reflect the multi-talented performer’s roots in the art. He’ll join the roster of the local 2013 Brave New Voices team, comprised of eight high school teens, for a night of poetry. Bring an open mind, and prepare for plenty of rhymes.

Where: The Coffee Shop Northeast, 2852A Johnson St. N.E., Minneapolis

When: 7 p.m.

Cost: Free

SATURDAY:

Zine Release Party

Know how to shade a perfect moustache with your pencil? Want to physically spread your thoughts on Marxism? Then head on down to Boneshaker Books to engage with fellow zinesters for an evening of trading comics, poems and rants. Even if you’d never consider pouring your soul into writing that will be Xeroxed by a pimply faced employee, you can revel in the weird local art collective this party should reveal. Get off your Tumblr, and hand-stitch the spine of your forthcoming manifesto. If you don’t have any zines to bring, feel free to abuse the event’s open mic.

Where: Boneshaker Books, 2002 S. 23rd Ave., Minneapolis

When: 7 p.m.

Cost: Free

SUNDAY:

10 Thousand Sounds Festival

End your weekend with City Pages’ annual downtown music fest, this year featuring national headliners The Walkmen. Coming off of 2012’s “Heaven,” the New Yorkers continue to show off an alternative contemporary edge to vintage instruments. Free Energy, the event’s other national act, also updates the sound of another era. The five-piece brings an ecstatic power pop to bombastic ’80s arena rock without sounding corny. If that’s not enough of a reason to attend, plenty of rising local acts are also in tow. Emcee Greg Grease, pop duo Strange Names and indie up-and-comers Prissy Clerks round out the Minnesota connection.

Where: 8th St. & Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis

When: 4-10 p.m.

Cost: $25 ($20 advance)

Age: 21+

CULTURE TO CONSUME

LISTEN TO THIS:

“Yeezus” by Kanye West

Scratch “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” — that kind of album’s not scoring a direct sequel. Stripped down to acid house music and occasional soul staples, “Yeezus” unleashes uncompromising anger where Kanye West’s landmark 2010 album strays into perfect fantasy. Kanye’s back to a blunt lyrical edge, imperfect and incensed by commercialism and a “new slavery.” Though “Yeezus” definitely takes more work to listen to, the pay-off is worth it. It’s not exactly an explicit social-commentary, but “Yeezus” shows Kanye at his most obsessive-compulsive and fearless. “Yeezus” marks a “Kid A” counterpoint to his previous work, a lot more spontaneous as ’Ye speaks “Swaghili.”

WATCH THIS:

“World War Z”

Really this recommendation stands as a placeholder to the millions of other post-apocalyptic movies out now. (See: “Elysium,” “After Earth” and “This Is the End.”) If you prefer your future-gazing without Neill Blomkamp’s pseudo-documentary style, Will Smith or stoner comedy, maybe “World War Z” is for you. Brad Pitt stars as the United Nations worker who travels the world’s zombie-ravaged environment, trying to stop the pandemic. Based on Max Brooks’ novel of the same name, the forthcoming blockbuster may not pack the same social commentary as the literature, but it’ll pack in the viewers as it racks up the corpses onscreen.

READ THIS:

“Black Hole” by Charles Burns

A primer into the alt-world of graphic novels, “Black Hole” gives a dark account of a group of suburban teenagers in the 1970s. Set in Seattle, the high school-aged freaks soon have to live out in the local town’s woods. The teens become social outcasts as they develop strange mutations via a sexually transmitted disease referred to as “the bug.” Think David Fincher or Franz Kafka — in a similar vein, Burns draws with a vivid clarity that makes the grotesque manifestations all the more uncomfortable. Try to read this one on a summer’s eve if you can handle nightmares that would make John Carpenter grin.

Q&A with Dan Savage

sharper@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 16:20:05 +0000

By: Joe Kleinschmidt

Since 1991, Dan Savage’s syndicated advice column has served up frank sex talk to worrisome virgin teenagers, bi-curious feminists and everyone in between. “Savage Love” only represents one strand of the Savage media personality. He’s also branched out to an MTV show, written several books and co-founded the “It Gets Better Project,” a website devoted to providing role models to LGBT youth.

His latest book, “American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics,” definitely has one hell of a bulky title, but Savage’s longwinded label illustrates the broad range to his rants. Now that he’s not confined to 1,000 words, Savage tries to extend his opinion on everything from the Catholic Church to gun rights. A&E picked the brain of the man who made “Santorum” a word you don’t want to Google.

I saw your recent interview on the Colbert Report. In those interviews, where you have to be on the defense all the time, do you ever get exhausted?

No, I love those types of conversations — whether I choke or not. I feel like my childhood was the perfect path — it was like group therapy. We had family meals where everyone would scream and yell and shout. Going on Colbert, and duking it out with Stephen’s character, for me that’s like a really good Thanksgiving.

How do you view the “It Gets Better Project” at this point?

It’s going really well. The project had a really limited goal without an achievable end — just to create this resource, and this sort of online LGBT footnote for kids who are maybe trapped in families or parts of the country where there are no adult role models. It’s a different interview — we speak to LGBT kids every day. It helps in getting the perspective they need, constructive advice they need and the image in their heads they need to get through. A lot of LGBT kids just have a terrible time in their lives and struggle. A lot of LGBT kids out there know now how to be successful through adults. It’s possible to show that they are not the only gay or lesbian person on the planet. Nobody thinks that anymore. A thirteen-year-old gay kid in the shittiest backwater town knows that there are gay people out there.

What’s the best part of your job?

It’s writing my column — I’m just sitting down to write that now. It’s wonderful. Here I am digging through my email and coaching people about their sex lives. Sometimes people include photographs.

How many people do you answer every day?

I can’t answer every letter I get — I just get way too many. I answer three or four a week in the column and one a day on the blog. Every once in a while, I write someone personally. The deal with advice columnists is that you can’t write to everyone.

Do people ever follow up after you’ve given advice?

Yeah, I do hear from people. Email’s so intimate — that’s how I get the mail now. I held out for a long time writing actual letters. But when people read the column and write back, I don’t tend to run those letters. I feel like people won’t share specifics if they don’t want to. Most will go on the comment board and go, “Hey, that’s my letter. Here’s some more details.” What’s interesting about that is you see readers chiming in and giving good advice — sometimes it’s better than mine.

Do people approach you in public asking advice?

Absolutely. And it can be unnerving for my husband and child. I don’t mind it when people ask me questions in public. I do appreciate it when people see me with my child and they keep it to themselves.

Are you still shocked at what people write to you?

No. I get crazy letters. Asking me which one is the craziest or most shocking is like asking a New Yorker about the dirtiest pigeon he ever saw — there’s just so many. Crazy questions and troubled people telling me about whatever sexual incidents they’ve had — and they’re all interesting. I can’t pick one.

What did you learn on your MTV show “Savage U?”

I think it was a really fun show. All the people on MTV were really awesome, but I think I learned something I kind of knew with the questions in advice column and on the “Savage Lovecast.” You don’t have to look at the people asking the questions. When you have to look at the person asking the question, you have to picture that person doing whatever’s being described. That’s never … that’s not fun. You want to picture people you think are hot — that hot is so subjective that even someone who is hot to someone else is not very hot to another person.

Kill’s camps educate, influence youth

akreiter@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:07:38 +0000

By: Dane Mizutani

Jerry Kill has a lot on his plate as head coach of the Gophers football squad, and he rarely takes a vacation.

But that hasn’t stopped him from adding more to his schedule in the offseason.

Kill and his staff have spent most of the last two weeks with youngsters from around the state for annual summer football camps. Kill said he’s even had children travel from North Dakota, South Dakota and Texas to participate.

These camps started June 9 and run sporadically through July 21 at TCF Bank Stadium.

“I’d like to,” Kill laughed about taking a potential vacation. “I always try and get away [at the beginning of July] for a few days and meet my brother. We bass fish once a year, but that’s about it.”

Kill and Gophers Director of Football Operations Dan O’Brien said the ultimate goal of the camps is to give back to Minnesota, and it’s an added bonus that they might influence the participants later in their careers.

“You never know what’s going to happen with these kids,” O’Brien said. “We want every single one of these kids to walk away and say, ‘I want to be a Golden Gopher.’”

Kill said the camps have more participants each year, but the Gophers limited the numbers this year to teach the fifth- through eighth-graders on a more personal basis.

“We teach them the basics of football,” Kill said. “We also teach them the ‘Minnesota Rouser.’”

These teachings have affected 11-year-old Lakeville native AJ Mazzucchi, who was at a TCF Bank Stadium camp on Monday for the second straight year.

“I always have a blast here,” Mazzucchi said, “…and meet new friends. I love the coaches here, too.”

Mazzucchi said it’s a benefit to work out with college coaches because of their experience.

“They have more experience than anybody I’ve worked with in the past, and they know the right stuff from the wrong stuff,” he said.

Mazzucchi competes on the defensive line in the Lakeville Football Association, but he said this camp has allowed him to learn other positions. He added that his participation in these camps will help him throughout his season.

“I can pretty much guarantee it,” he said. “I’m progressing and getting better and better from this camp and other camps. “This is the most favorite camp I’ve done so far.”

O’Brien said this camp is unique because of the commitment from all members of the Gophers’ coaching staff.

“I think people would be hard-pressed to find another Division I staff where every one of its main position coaches participates in these types of camps,” O’Brien said. “It speaks to the character and quality of our staff that they want to be involved.”

With draft, Ghelfi fulfills dream in surprise fashion

akreiter@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:05:54 +0000

By: Dane Mizutani

Drew Ghelfi was playing catch in the front yard with his father June 8 as he’d done many times before.

As the seconds crawled by with each exchange, the mindless activity gave Ghelfi clarity amid the stress of the afternoon.

Then the call came.

“I was trying to keep my mind off of it all — then my mom came running out of the house and started screaming and jumping around,” Ghelfi said. “I went and grabbed my phone.”

It was the Milwaukee Brewers on the other end. Drew Ghelfi, at last, was a professional baseball player.

The Brewers selected Ghelfi in the 25th round of the 2013 MLB draft. He was the third Gophers player, and pitcher, to be drafted this year.

Ghelfi was always surrounded by baseball as a kid. His father played for the Cleveland Indians organization, and his uncle played for the Philadelphia Phillies.

Still, Ghelfi classified himself as a late bloomer and said he didn’t start to peak until his junior and senior years at Central High School in La Crosse, Wis. That’s when he realized he could compete in college.

“I really just wanted a chance to continue to play,” he said. “I didn’t really care where it was, to be honest.”

He said toward the end of his senior year of high school, Gophers’ assistant coach Rob Fornasiere, advised Ghelfi to reach out to Iowa Central Community College.

Ghelfi took his advice and was rewarded. He said the coach at Iowa Central came up to watch one of his games and offered a scholarship.

He pitched two seasons with the Tritons. He was good — not great — in those two years, but he improved in nearly every statistical category from his freshman to sophomore seasons.

Ghelfi said he batted a little bit at Iowa Central, too, but realized his best chance to make it was as a pitcher.

He said he kept in touch with Fornasiere in his time with Iowa Central, and it paid off.

The Gophers offered Ghelfi a chance to play at the Division I level before the 2012 season.

But he didn’t receive a lot of playing time with the Gophers. In two years with the program, he pitched 27.1 innings — and only 11 his senior season.

“I think he was frustrated just like anyone else would be if they’re not throwing,” said Tom Windle, ace of the Gophers’ 2013 pitching staff. “But at the same time, he came to the field every day and worked out what he needed to.”

Ghelfi said it was hard to stay motivated at times but knew he had the ability to make it to the next level. That’s what continued to drive him.

Ghelfi has a fastball, a changeup and a curveball. He said he leans on his curveball in tough situations, but Windle said arm strength is Ghelfi’s biggest asset.

“You can’t teach someone to throw a fastball 90 to 95 [mph],” Windle said. “He has that upside, and he needs to work with his off-speed stuff and throw more strikes.”

Ghelfi said he didn’t expect to be selected in the draft but felt good at his pre-draft pitching sessions with the Minnesota Twins and the Brewers.

“I had a feeling, if I got taken, it would be by one of them pretty late … but I didn’t expect to go as early as the 25th round,” he said. “It was a surprise.”

Ghelfi, Windle and former Gophers pitcher DJ Snelten are currently in Arizona for rookie minicamps. Ghelfi said after he finishes camp in Arizona, players in his organization either stay there for more workouts or get shipped to Helena, Mont., to compete in higher rookie ball.

“I’d love to be in Helena now,” he laughed. “…Five years ago, no way did I think I’d be dying to get to Helena.”

Ghelfi said he grew up a fan of the Brewers, so this is a dream come true. He said the moment with his parents in the front yard was special, but he noted it’s only the beginning for him.

“It’s kind of weird saying I’m a Milwaukee Brewer now,” Ghelfi said. “It’s starting to hit me now that I’m a professional baseball player.”

Dr. Date

akreiter@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:03:37 +0000

Dr. Date,

I have fallen in love with a friend who just broke up with his girlfriend (he said he didn’t feel the same for her anymore). We were very happy together, like we would think about and text each other almost every minute of the day. But then his girlfriend kept trying to be back together with him (they’ve been together for 3.5 years), and he said he didn’t want to be gay so he chose to be back with her and stopped talking with me. I know that’s hard for him, too. I was crying every day, but now I am doing better. How should I view this and should we still be friends or should I forget him?

Thank you!

—Hurt And Lonely

Lonesome Gopher,

As a rule, I always say to go for the friendship gold. If there’s a chance that your friendship will be healthy and awesome, then go for it. But if you’re going to spend the whole time pining over how sweet he is, then forget it. You seem like a nice guy, and you deserve to find happiness elsewhere.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

I’ve been seeing this girl for about a month now. She’s absolutely gorgeous and really easy to talk to. We have a lot in common, except for one thing: Her taste in music is atrocious. I mean really bad. This wouldn’t be as much of an issue, but she seems completely disinterested when I try to play some of my favorite bands and has even started complaining about the music I play in the car when we’re out. Music is a big part of my life, and I feel like this could be a deal breaker for me. Is that shallow? Should I break it off or try to meet her halfway?

—Out Of Tune

Tune Up,

Hey Rob, have you ever considered that she thinks you have terrible taste in music? Your letter operates on the shaky platform that some music is simply better than other music, when the truth is that you just like some music better than you like other music. Open your eyes, if they’re not too strained from repeated viewings of “High Fidelity.”

Are you and your girl starting a record label together or are you just dating? You don’t need to “convert” her into liking your ska-reggae-funk jams, and she doesn’t need to be a willing convert. Take it easy, and maybe just listen to the sounds of silence.

—Dr. Date

Dr. Date,

My mom and I are going on a trip, and one night along the way we are staying at the house of a family friend whose son (who still lives there) and I were a little ... involved in the past. Our families have known each other our whole lives so we didn’t tell anyone for fear of making the family relationships awkward. Should I tell my mom before we stay at their house or should I just face the awkwardness in stride and hope he does the same?

—Family Friendlies

Um, Family Friend,

If you think you really need to hold in your raging shame, then heck, keep it inside. Pack some strong foundation to brush away your red cheeks and hope that your ex-flame/family friend does the same.

But if you think your mom is chill, then go ahead and tell her. It might feel awkward for a minute, as “There’s something I want you to know,” is a phrase that’s rarely followed up with anything but a pregnant pause. But I suspect your mom will laugh it off, and hopefully she’ll help you realize what you already know — this isn’t a big deal! You can all eat shish kebobs together still. Beware the hilarity that may ensue, as I suspect some members of your family will be jazzed and want to set y’all right back up again.

—Dr. Date

Secret Admirers

akreiter@mndaily.com — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 05:02:55 +0000

To Any Girls Out There Who Are True Star Wars Fans,

If you come watch the original trilogy with me on this rainy day, you can ride me like a Tauntaun later.

—A Guy Who Can Make The Kessel Run In Less Than Twelve Parsecs

To The Guy Who Makes The Kessel Run Look Easy,

Stop doing the easy things and get with me. The idea of riding you like a Tauntaun makes my heart beat faster than the Millennium Falcon. In the words of EV-9D9, “I think you’ll fit in nicely” so let’s start these movies so I can see you work that forceful lightsaber of yours.

—A True Star Wars Fan

Julie,

You remind me of a slightly moistened aspirin between a couple of spoons because you’re supremely crushable.

—Science

Johnny,

Baby, stop arguing with me in front of the class about your political views, and let’s just solve all of our problems naked in the family bathroom. Make love not war.

—Unknown

Girl Who Made Sandwiches Last Year At Pio,

You made my dining hall experience at the U enjoyable, and you make a dank-ass sandwich. You’re as fresh as the deli bread you work with.

—Every Guy Who Ate At Pio Last Year

Anne,

Since we are in physics together, I wrote a poem in hopes that you will notice me:

The current of love flows between two

Those two of course are me and you

And though we may encounter resistance

I know that change will continue with persistence

Because of those ever abounding volts

Bringing things together like nuts and bolts

So whether it be capacitor or battery

You are what deserves highest flattery

—Unknown