Dr Date

Dear Dr. Date,

Every Friday I find myself doing the same thing: sitting in my apartment, hanging with my equally unfortunate-in-love roommate. I think of myself as not totally ugly, yet I am not approached as often as I would like. I am starting to feel extremely insecure about myself since I am 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend nor a first kiss.

Dear Dr. Date,

My girlfriend of three months seems to be in love with her ex who is 7 years older than her. While I knew they texted on occasion I never really said anything about it, as I had no details about the relationship. This weekend the doors were busted wide open when I saw the details in a sordid email she foolishly left open on her computer. The messed-up thing is that her ex lives far away in Canada, and she’s never actually met him in person — they had an online relationship.

Dr. Date,

I have been friends with this guy since freshman year, and we’re both juniors now. Actually, I have liked him since freshman year, but he has had a girlfriend, but they broke up a while back. I have been flirty with him, and he doesn’t seem to notice. I don’t know if he is not interested or just clueless, which makes me at a loss of what to do.

—Flirty Girl

Flirty Girl,

Dear Dr. Date,

I love reading your relationship advice. You are so freaking hilarious! It’s cray cray! On Monday morning while I’m all sad thinking about how I have another week of boring lectures, I remember that I get to read some funny stuff from the stud muffin Dr. Date. So I was wondering if I could get some advice on what a girl should do to if she wants to go on a date with Dr. Date? Thanks!

—Girl Who Hopes You’re As Cute As You Are Funny

Girl,

Dr. Date,

Dear Dr. Date,

Dr. Date,

I know this is another “Whine, whine, not getting laid, can’t find someone, wtf” letter, but what is a girl to do? I’m laidback. I have great hair. I can hold my own in conversations ranging from Wilco to Derrida to the subtle nuances of Lucille Bluth’s wardrobe. You know what? I even like getting drunk and dancing all night. I also have friends and high-functioning social skills — imagine that!

Dr. Date,

What’s your take on name mix-ups, like when my girlfriend and I are getting down and dirty? The other night, we were going at it, and instead of shouting out my name in pleasure, she shouted out a name that definitely wasn’t mine. We were so hot and heavy that I just ignored it and pretended I misheard her, but now it’s bothering me. Should I bring it up? Will I look crazy? Does it mean she was thinking about a past fling/boyfriend while we were hooking up?

—Say My Name

Name-Sayer,

Dear Dr. Date,

Dear Dr. Date,

I’d like to think that I am a smart confident woman, but whenever it comes to men I like, I go all downcast doe-eyed and mute, which I am pretty sure has not been sexy since the 19th century. If we’re in a group situation, I can’t even look at him, and I just talk to the people around me, pretending like the guy I like doesn’t exist. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please help.

—These Eyes

Eyedee Klum,