Dear Dr. Date,
I like this boy. He likes me. WeâÄôve told each other, so thatâÄôs not the question. The issue is that as interested as we both may be, I KNOW he isnâÄôt ready for a girlfriend right now.
He split with his ex of a few years a few months ago and although he says itâÄôs been long enough and heâÄôs over it, I get the feeling that he either hasnâÄôt completely moved past it or at least isnâÄôt ready for another relationship yet.
Seeing how he doesnâÄôt seem to realize this, how do I proceed without making him think IâÄôm not as interested as I am? Especially since I think itâÄôs still kind of a sore spot to discuss (they didnâÄôt end on the greatest of terms). HeâÄôs amazing and I donâÄôt want to ruin a possibly great relationship because he didnâÄôt realize he isnâÄôt ready for it.
If nothing else, is there an appropriate or average amount of time âÄî in proportion to how long the relationship was âÄî one should wait between relationships to avoid
rebounds or not being ready?
âÄîReady...? Set...? Not Yet?
This is a tough question. The concept of moving on from a past relationship is one that I canâÄôt really answer. It varies a lot from person to person, scenario to scenario. There are tons of rules out there that might guide you, but I donâÄôt trust any of them. Maybe time heals all wounds, but it takes more than that. And the good Doctor must acknowledge defeat, because I canâÄôt tell you what else it takes.
You have every right to be concerned about whether he has truly moved on and how it may affect your relationship, but is it possible youâÄôre just being paranoid? After all, the final step of the entire process is starting something new âÄî it may very well be that this is exactly what he needs in order to put the past with his ex behind him.
Think about why youâÄôre concerned he hasnâÄôt moved on, but remember, no one likes to talk about their past romances, especially with a current love interest. ThatâÄôs just the name of the game.
You should sit down with your man and explain exactly what youâÄôve told me âÄî that youâÄôre worried he isnâÄôt quite ready, and that you donâÄôt want his ties to the past to ruin any chances of a relationship the two of you might have. Ask him to explain how heâÄôs feeling to you. If he says heâÄôs ready, IâÄôd say itâÄôs time to throw caution to the wind and go for it. You have to trust him, because your hesitance to start something with him may eventually wear down his patience.
Dear Dr. Date,
I need your help soon please! I have been in love with my best guy friend since I met him my first year of high school. He had been dating a girl for many years all through high school and beyond, and he finally broke up with her this summer. I thought he did it to be with me, but instead he started dating this other girl right away. I like this new girl but he could do better. I know he should be with me.
How do I tell him to give us a chance? Do I let this other girl be his rebound girl from his other relationship and then pounce when this one goes sour? They have already had some issues and I donâÄôt think they will last much longer. Please help me!
âÄîThe one he should be with
Be patient and most importantly, donâÄôt show this guy how jealous and stalker-like you are. Maybe heâÄôs already noticed, and thatâÄôs why he moved on to another girl right away.
But if things are indeed on the brink of collapse with him and his new lady, let that relationship run its course before you move in for the kill. ThereâÄôs nothing worse than starting a relationship with someone who is already involved.*
Nine times out of 10, those relationships are doomed to fail. Give him some time after his current relationship falls apart, and then let him know how you feel. IâÄôd warn that you should brace for the worst though. If you truly love him, he probably already knows and may not be interested.
*Note: There are a few things worse than the aforementioned. Genocide, racism, and ArbyâÄôs top that list.