Dear Dr. Date,
Lots of people are writing in to you about their exes. Why would ANYONE maintain friendship with someone they were rejected by — or rejected? I don’t even think it can be a true friendship. I don’t understand. Shed some light on the matter?
—Trying To Chat
Yes, there should be an Ex Train, departing every day at Break Up o’clock. Our former flames are the passengers. They soar away, bullet-speed. What we had and how close we once were will fly out the window. Blood on the tracks.
Here’s the thing: If we send our exes on that midnight train going anywhere, we’ll never know if that friendship can be true. Relationships end in all types of different ways — it’s not always rejection. Sometimes it’s just a comedy of errors, a mismatch of desire or one too many careless mistakes.
But there’s a reason people get together in the first place — and if that original draw is more than grasps at straws, you’re golden.Never let go of someone who knows what your breath smells like in the morn. Choo choo, boo hoo.
Dear Dr. Date,
Problem: My boyfriend’s ex texts him constantly. They were in a relationship off-and-on last year. I asked him to not talk to her, and he didn’t for about two weeks. But I noticed him texting her again. He said she really needed him for advice. I know this because I sometimes check his phone. Bad I know on my part, but I had good reason to! Now he deletes his messages and locks his phone, and I’m worried he has something to hide. I know she still loves him. Am I being paranoid? I’m in a new relationship, and we have told each other we love each other already. We discussed this, but I’m just not comfortable with the whole thing. Should I be?
Look at you, dangling that stuffed envelope of “X-Files” puns so close to my face. I’m tempted to rip it open and go hard. But I won’t. Because if I convolute the advice I’m about to dole out with some high-falutin’ metaphor, you might not get it.
So I’m going to put this in the plainest possible language because morons keep sending me variations on this same exact question, and I am doggone sick of it.
Here’s the problem with your relationship: Neither of you trust each other.
Red flag #1: You check his phone.
Red flag #2: He locks his phone.
You can’t live like this. Neither of you can. Stop doing this to each other.
If you don’t trust the person you’re dating with all of your heart, break up. There’s no point.
Dear Dr. Date,
Long story short, I don’t have a girlfriend and have never been kissed. To top it all off, I’m losing hope. FAST.
Over the years, I’ve had friends (girls) point out to me that they wished their boyfriends would care about them as much as I did. They’ve told me I’m a nice guy, that I’m funny, charmingly witty and quietly passionate and so on. I’ve been told that I’m extremely smart, and my grades reflect that. And whether it is helping a friend with psychology when I don’t even take psychology or making time to help someone I just met, I’m there.
(I rate myself as a high 5-out-of-10, but I’m really tall and skinny.)
Given all these so-called “desired” traits, why do I feel like nobody is interested in me because of the way I look? Do you think there are really women out there who actually can love you even though you aren’t the best looking guy around? Are there girls out there who feel this way too?
—Nice Guy Finishing Last In Love?
Life is long, and the world is large. There’s someone out there for everyone. Just think about the last time you were in a giant lecture and there were two acne-crusted freshmen holding hands under the parka they were using as a blanket.
But you gotta drop the ‘tude, man.
Why are you giving me this rÃ©sumÃ© of your qualifications as a man?
Great girls go for terrible guys; great guys go for terrible girls. There’s no formulaic trump card.
Just get yourself into a Zen mood and go with the flow.
Someday you’ll find a girl who’s into a guy obsessed with taking inventory of his “desired” traits.