Dear Dr. Date,
I have been looking for a good girl for some time now, but I seem to have no luck. My problem lies in starting conversations. I can talk to girls fine; I just cannot seem to start a conversation up. I go to coffee shops and other places where I see girls sitting by themselves studying or doing something on the computer. The whole time I am thinking, “Hmm she looks like someone I could date”, but then I start thinking, “Dude, she’s studying, she doesn’t wanna talk to you right now, if she did she wouldn’t be studying.” What do I do here? Any advice would be great!
—Looking For That Girl
Having a hard time getting (the conversation) up? People who study in public locales may just be there for the access to coffee and the free Wi-Fi that I hear all the kids talking about these days. They may also be there to multitask: to see and be seen while also buckling down on climbing ol’ homework mountain. In either case, you might not want to make your move when the maiden you have your eye on is knee-deep in stress-bombing on some studying. Why does hitting on girls at hushed-tones-encouraged coffee shops seem like a good idea to you? If you really want to meet a girl — which when you’re really looking to be with one, is the worst time to — then get out of the places where people go to be alone together. Why don’t you try going to more conversational venues, like parties or concerts?
OK, so my boyfriend has a bit of a problem. He just can’t get it up when we want to have sex. I think it’s me. He hasn’t had this problem in the past with his other girlfriends. Now, I go down on him all the time, and it’s not a problem, but the moment we start having sex he just gets soft and the mood is killed. Every single time! So, is it me? This only happens during sex — the rest of the times he can keep it going just fine. What should I do? What is there to even do? Does this mean he’s just not into my body? Help me out doc, I’m in need of some lovin’.
Having a hard time getting (the boner) up? I think the biggest problem here is that “the mood is killed … every single time” Mr. Softee loses his hard-on. That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on an erection (and not the good kind). Are you both losin’ it every time — to the point that the stakes are raised “every single time” you guys jump into bed together? Is he getting embarrassed? Is he a smoker? Or is he just too lazy and knows there’s a bj in it for him anyway?
If this guy’s worth the effort, try being patient, persistent and caring with the loss of a boner that can be, understandably, potentially traumatic for any and all parties involved. If he’s (almost) ready, willing and eager, continue with foreplay without the expectation of vaginal intercourse on the table/mattress/couch/kitchen counter. I’m talkin’ dry humpin’, handjobs — it’s going to be like eighth grade all over again. It sounds like you two have put a psychological chokehold on his dong that’ll take time to release (but lawd when it does …) It’ll take love and tenderness, but soon enough it’ll come back swingin’/pumpin’.
I thought this guy wasn’t interested in me anymore, so I started flirting with a new dude. Turns out, dude No. 1 is still into it and wants to talk, and I think things might get serious. How do I put very new guy No. 2 down gently while also keeping him close by in case things fall through with guy No. 1?
You can start by realizing how narcissistic and insensitive you sound. No advice for you!