Dear Dr. Date,
I dated a guy 80 miles from here for about a year, two years ago. There was a five-year age difference between us, and toward the end of things I caught him sneaking around using Grindr.
I wanted to work things out, but he did not, and the relationship ended. He’s been dating someone new and closer to him for a year or so now — they even got cats together. Several months ago there was a brouhaha because my ex and I had sex — he told me he was single — but the new guy found out. Amazingly, they are still together.
Yet this ex still contacts me — generally calls me once a week, texts me often. Truth be told, if he were a little closer to my maturity and age, I’d want to be with him again. I’ve dated plenty, but he’s the only guy I ever truly loved.
The thing is, I’m not sure why he is texting me at this point anymore, and I don’t know what to do about it. What are his intentions with me at this point?
—Unlucky In Love
It’s impossible to decipher his intentions at this point. Is he looking for the gold at the end of your rainbow? Or is he just in it for a lucky lay? Looks like we might never know. After all, the human race is one incapable of truth-telling. We are physically incapable of opening our mouths and saying something along the lines of, “Well, I still care about you” or “Honestly, I thought maybe we’d hook up again.”
Um. Wait. Scratch that, Mr. Bad Luck. Last time I checked, people are totally capable of spitting it straight, even if they’re the types to secretly grind one out on the Internet. It’s time for a little chat, operative word being little. Next time he calls, ask him, in no fancy terms, why he still calls you. When he is a tad taken aback, just tell him you were curious. That’s the truth, right?
I started dating this girl, and things are going great, but I am a little concerned about where she is going in her life. Not like it’s my business yet because we have only been dating a couple months, but I wonder if she is as motivated as I am. And that makes me worry if it is worth getting into a long-term relationship with someone who might not be where I am in a year or even six months. Is it worth moving forward, or should I put the kibosh on it before either of us gets hurt over my concerns?
—Love Over Learning?
Love Over Being A Total Loser,
I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen the movie “Legally Blonde” — judging by how smart you think you are, you’d probably be weary to admit it — but it’s time for you to head to your nearest Blockbuster and smarten up.
I don’t trust you to take the video store initiative, so I’ll give you a little summary of the 2001 masterpiece:
Warner Huntington III, a stuffy and entitled undergrad with his sights set on Harvard Law, tells Elle, his ditzy girlfriend, that they have to break up. “If I’m going to be a senator by the time I’m 30,” he says, “I can’t keep dicking around.” To which sorority sister Elle is like, WTF, because duh, that’s totally, like, insulting. Dedicated to the man she thinks she loves, she studies hard for her LSATs and gets into Harvard.
At the end of the movie — SPOILER ALERT — she’s a terrifically successful, case-winning law student, and Warner wants her to take him back. But she can’t dick around with a jerk like him, and she tells him as much. Um, treated. That’s what you get, Warner. And that’s what you’ve got coming your way, bub.
Was that enough? Should I go through the list of famous late bloomers? What’s your problem? Have you ever considered that maybe your girl is so turned off by your empty attempts at rÃ©sumÃ©-building that she’s trying to lead by chill example? Have you considered that she’s sick of hearing about your [expletive] internships? Give her some credit.