Dear Dr. Date,
I was talking about current events with my newish boyfriend, and gay marriage came up. He said he doesn’t support it, which I disagree with. I am OK with dating someone who has different political beliefs than me because I don’t believe that defines a person, and I can separate a person from his or her leanings. But I am concerned about the gay marriage thing because I can’t tell if he is simply discriminatory. Basically, how can I tell the difference between my boyfriend being just more conservative than me or him being a bigot?
While the Doc is all about cross-partisan pairings, this one is worlds away from the donkey/elephant breeding I typically support. The Doc believes that people who don’t want gays to marry hate gays. That’s a fact of life, a fact of nature. They can hide it behind conservative policy and that wonderful tome the Bible, but the fact o’ the matter is that if they had respect for all people, they’d let ’em enjoy all the same rights the rest of us enjoy.
Try to change your boyfriend’s mind in a non-threatening way. Then try to change it in a threatening way. Then dump his ass.
I am a 23-year-old woman working on my undergrad here at the U. I am behind in school due to my military commitment. I try to participate in campus life and meet new people, but I have a hard time meeting men my age or older, much less ones that I would date or would want to date me.
I am reasonably attractive (not what you typically think of when you hear “military girl”); I have gained some weight since leaving the military, but I am on my way (slowly) back to my normal weight. I have tried just about everything and still have no luck finding a guy. I don’t know if it is a confidence issue because of the weight, feeling different because I have life experience beyond my years or if I’m just unlucky. Any advice on how to meet a good guy who can understand that?
—Vet Looking For Love
What you wrote about having life experience beyond your years is a big part of the problem. You’ve served our country; you’re a hero. Look around you. Here at the University of Minnesota, the pickings aren’t too slim, but the pickings are indeed young and immature and guzzling and weird and hanging up ugly posters. You’re a hawk among some truly ridonkulous roosters.
I always feel uncomfortable doing this because there are about a million people who attend this fine institution of higher learning and about a million activities happening on it, but I have to do it: Go off-campus to find love. Instead of participating in campus life, participate in off-campus life. Depending on where you go and what you do, you’ll find a slightly older pool of bachelors who will be much more appreciative of your transforming figure and your rich life experiences.