Dr. Date,
I see this girl around at parties and shows, but I don’t know anything about her. For some reason, though, she’s so intriguing. There’s something about her that captivates me.
But whenever I get the chance to approach her, I get nervous and back down. I have a history of stumbling over my words and making a fool of myself when I talk to girls, so I’m scared that will happen during our conversation. I don’t know how to play it smooth.
How can I keep my nerves under control and find the courage to talk to her? She’s someone who seems completely out of my league, but I know I won’t be happy until I at least try to get to know her. Any ideas?
—Awkward Turtle
You’re Not Alone,
We’ve all been there — stumbling over our words, turning beet red and melting into a puddle of mush when a crush walks through the door. It’s natural to feel nervous, but don’t let that break down your confidence.
You’d be surprised; she could find attractive the characteristics that you feel are awkward and weird. Quirky people are intriguing, and your best bet is to put yourself out there. And almost every person enjoys being pursued.
Next time you see her, bring a friend with you to start a conversation. Sometimes having another person on your side can help ease your nerves and boost your confidence. The best way to start a conversation and keep it going will be by finding something both you and this crush have in common.
Focus on her. People love to talk about themselves, so when there is a lull in the convo, drop another question. You’ll get to know her while also avoiding a huge monologue that could end in stutters and social faux pas.
And remember: She’s human, too. Don’t let her intimidate you.
—Dr. Date
Dr. Date,
I’m planning to study abroad next fall semester, and I don’t know what to do about my relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for about two years now, and I really love him. But a part of me feels like it’s time to end things because I know we won’t be able to handle the long distance.
Whenever I try to talk to him about our future, he shuts down and tells me that we shouldn’t worry about it right now. He says he “just wants to enjoy the present” and “we’ll worry about everything when the time comes,” but I really think it’s important we talk about it sooner rather than later.
I don’t want to keep dating him for the summer if both of us know that our time is short-lived. It wouldn’t be enjoyable, and I think we should just cut ties now. It doesn’t make sense to draw out the process. How do I make him realize that we need to address this now, even though I’m not leaving for a few months? If we both know the end is near, it’s a dumb idea to stay together. We’re just wasting our time.
—Over(seas) ‘n’ Done
Cut Ties,
You two are clearly on different pages, and it’s not fair to keep the relationship going if it’s not what you both want. Couples in happy, healthy relationships aren’t considering break-ups, and if that’s a scenario on the table, it’s probably time to move on. It’s important to talk about the future, and if you know the end is in sight, it’s better to not let the relationship linger.
Be upfront with him, and don’t let him blow you off when you want to talk about it. By avoiding the issue, he’s prolonging the process, and you need to let him know that it’s important you address it now.
And distance is the best way to make any break-up easier. But since you won’t be leaving until the fall, you could be in for a challenging summer. Be prepared, and good luck.
—Dr. Date
