Dear Dr. Date,
My close friend is really effing up, Doc. He’s been hanging out with this one girl who has a boyfriend in Spain, and they plan to attend a friend’s wedding together in a few weeks.
Basically, it’s just about guaranteed that this girl is going to cheat on her boyfriend with my friend. Even worse, my friend is counting on this to happen because he really wants to get his dick wet. Yeah, I know, he’s being kind of a douche right now.
I’ve tried telling this dude that it would be bad to help this girl cheat on her boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem to see a problem with it. He feels like it’s bound to happen no matter what, so why not get some action while it’s possible, right?
Any pointers on how to frame this in a more convincing way? I really don’t want to be associated with someone who pulls this kind of stuff.
Ohmangoddam. Look at you exercising the angel-on-shoulder-to-prevent-friend-from-effing-a-committed-gal trope. Your doctor is very proud of you, son.
Unfortunately all you can do is keep talking. Sure, it’s probably inevitable that this woman is going to cheat on her boyfriend. It’s also inevitable that global warming will destroy the planet, but you don’t see me vaping 24/7 to speed it up, now do ya?
It’s clear that this woman is tryna get the best of both worlds: the emotional security of a boyfriend with the physical availability of a modern single lady. This is basically the time my bestie and I snuck a bag of wine into a theatrical play and expected nobody to notice that we were drinking out of our pillow. In love and boxed wine, doing both just doesn’t work.
Nothing works quite like the one-two punch of friendship and guilt tripping. Let homie know you’re just looking out for him because you care about his character, but also make it pretty damn clear that helping a gal cheat on her BF is pretty slimy. Like, not in the fun, circa-1999 Nickelodeon way.
Dear Dr. Date,
I don’t know the best way to say this, so I’ll just say it: I’m boring in bed. I’ve tried different things with different partners in the past, but the truth is that I really just enjoy the basics. You know, missionary and rarely something slightly
The bottom line is that I’m basically a picky eater, except with sex.
My current boyfriend, on the other hand, is really adventurous in bed. I really admire how he likes to try out different positions all in one sitting, but I can’t help but feel a little bummed when we don’t just do missionary.
It’s not like he’s bad in bed or anything — far from it — but I really just like basic position(s). What’s the best way to communicate this?
—Vanilla and Loving It
Vanilla and Loving It,
I’m almost 100 percent certain that most guys who like to show off how many positions they can do are all just flexing and trying to seem like “Game of Thrones” characters. These Silly Billies gotta take their Chill-y Pill-ies, you feel
Put your sex ed hat on and school this man on the merits of keeping things classic. Sure, missionary probably means more work for him in the long run, but anyone who’s that eager to whip out the Kama Sutra every night should be cool with a cardio workout, right?
Plus, this gives you the perfect excuse to spice things up with some dirty talk. You two will be face to face, the ideal situation to whisper hot things like, “I’m from the future” during the act.