Dear Dr. Date,
I knew since the day I met my girlfriend that she was attempting to be a screenwriter — what else would you expect from the person sitting next to you at a 35mm screening of some foreign film in a local theater? When we got food after the show, we fell head over heels for each other while discussing common tropes in rom-coms and how 500 Days of Summer is totally overrated. After six months, I’m pretty sure she’s my soulmate.
However, I’m not super sure she feels the same way about me. See, ever since we started dating, she’s been writing a new script that she refuses to show me. I snuck a peek last week when she was asleep, only to see it’s a dramatized depiction of our relationship — except throughout the entire thing, the main character has been debating whether or not to break up with her boyfriend. The only reason why the character hasn’t done it is because her boyfriend is great inspiration for her screenplay!
Now I’m afraid that if we break up, I’ll end up being depicted as an asshole by some better-looking Hollywood star in five years. How do I tell her this isn’t okay without fueling her creative genius?
Dear Romantic Inspiration,
Not going to lie, your girlfriend’s plan is a little genius — work on a screenplay throughout the relationship, then ease the pain with millions when she sells it after the breakup. If only I could turn Dr. Date messages into Oscar-worthy romcoms…
Honestly, I don’t think you can win here. While you can certainly ask her to stop detailing your love life on paper, you can’t control what she writes. However, you can tell her it’s a deal breaker and see what happens then. Be reassured that your breakup will most likely be perfectly average (i.e.: boring) — as long as you keep things dull and tell her it’s not her, it’s the movie, your character will be stuck in her Google Drive for years to come.