Dear Dr. Date,
I’m starting to get worried about my boyfriend. We met through friends after they mentioned we’d make an attractive couple and have now been dating for about nine months. I can see why they would say that — we’re both really into fashion. Thrifted, brand new, designer and school merch, we both pride ourselves on looking good.
When he first walked into our shared class in sweatpants, I thought it was a fashion statement. The whole athleisure thing is still on trend, and most guys look great in gray sweatpants (though his weren’t the fashionable type). I didn’t want to ask him about it, as he’s definitely seen me on off-days. But after he showed up with unbrushed hair in pajamas for the fourth day in a row, I got a little concerned.
Since then, no matter what the event, he goes in whatever he was sleeping in that day (even if it hasn’t been washed). I’ve tried to go to parties, out on dates or just to hang out with friends, and he doesn’t put any effort in at all. I’ve asked him what changed, and he said he’s just become bored with everything and doesn’t really care. Considering that when we first started dating he was dragging me to Urban Jungle the minute it opened, I don’t know what happened. He’s become apathetic about his appearance and hygiene, and I’m starting to get embarrassed going out with him in public (when he can drag himself out of bed).
I’m no snob, but I do draw the line at dinner with the parents in a stained hoodie. What can I do?
Not a Hypebeast
Dear Not a Hypebeast,
Okay, there is definitely a deeper issue here. While we all eventually get comfortable in relationships and stop trying to impress the other, the fact that he’s lost all his passion for a subject he used to love seems off. Has he had a bad haircut lately or something? He might just be uncomfortable with himself, not the clothes.
His apathy towards everything, as you say, sounds like it might run deeper rather than a fashion issue. Far be it from me to armchair diagnose (I just give dating advice, people!), but you might want to ask him if there’s anything else going on. It may only be the start of the semester, but we all need to check in on each other’s mental health. If you can, try and get him to see someone, even if it’s just to reaffirm he’s okay.
But hey, sweatpants are COMFY. Hopefully he’s only developed a preference for the finer things in life, right?